Re: [at-l] hiking friends

[bullard@northnet.org]

At 10:13 PM 6/26/99 EDT, CHoover241@aol.com wrote:
>Hey folks,
>
>Actually this post started as a major slam on you all, and one of my list 
>friends contacted me to see how I was doing and threw the logic of this 
>straight out the window. Here it goes anyways......
>
>I have asked a couple of times for what happens to the person of a couple 
>left behind. I have gotten responses from the persons leaving, but never
from 
>the person left behind.
>
>I log on and get reports on hiker babes and tutus. This is the light list.
As 
>a matter of fact, this is the list that thinks it okay to leave loved ones
at 
>home, because they just have to understand.
>
>Well, it is not okay. I have lost so much weight since Sly left. I can't eat 
>or sleep. I spent this evening by myself crying from loneliness near this 
>creek near my apartment.
>
>When we choose to hike, we are leaving others who are not going. They may 
>support us, but they are leaving us just the same. My mother lives in
another 
>state and is having huge problems with my hiking next year. The reason is 
>that she loves me and she cannot believe that I would give up all my 
>possessions to do this crazy thing. She will get better as the time 
>approaches. Thing is, she is my mother not my wife.
>
>Here is to the point. The person that I love and worry about and care about 
>more than anything has abandoning me to hike. Not one of you has sent me an 
>e-mail about how I am doing.I get them asking about how HE is doing, but no 
>one thinks that being left at home is a matter of any importance. Goodness, 
>you guys will leave your kids in a second for a chance to hike.    For your 
>information,  I am not doing that well. Thank you for your lack of concern 
>and I will be terminating from this list shortly.
>                 choovers
>
It sounds like you're having the at-home support crew version of the
Virginia Blues. Actually your feelings are exactly what I worry about
happening when (if) I do a thru after retiring. We did have a thread on
this a while back and I posted my concerns at the time. In defense of the
list, the list members are primarily hikers or wannabe hikers and not
stay-at-home support types, so the 'left behinds' are on the list and there
is undoubtedly an experience/awareness gap in the makeup of the list. 

I guess too that it's easier for everyone to latch onto the adventure of
the hike than the chores of support. Like any highly visible activity we
all tend to forget that these things rarely happen without the support of
others whose contributions are invaluable but relatively unexciting to hear
about. Undoubtedly, it is difficult to be apart from a significant other
for such an extended period. Add to that the attention that is given by
everyone to the extraordinary endeavor they are undertaking and the feeling
of abandonment + invisibility of your role = depression. 

You are right that we need to be more sensitive to that. The old saw that
"absence makes the heart grow fonder" may be true for a week or a month but
a 5-7 month absence can make you feel damn lonely and put upon.


Saunterer
"...time is not money. It is an opportunity to live before you die."
Donald Culross Peatty - The Joy of Walking
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