[at-l] Womens Dictionary

[nealb@midlandstech.com (William Neal)]

Please!  This might offend some of our female members.  And it's dangerous:
Don't you know your Bible?  God created Man and then created Woman.
Afterall, all good designers create a prototype and then when they see what
is wrong, then they create the finished product. ;-)

Also, one on hike I met 2 thru' hikers.  The guy (a college halfback) gave
up and headed home.  His girl friend kept on going with her load plus all he
ditched.

Weaker sex my A**

William, The Turtle

-----Original Message-----
From: PMAnderson@apshealthcare.com [mailto:PMAnderson@apshealthcare.com]
Sent: Tuesday, January 29, 2002 5:48 PM
To: at-l@mailman.backcountry.net
Subject: [at-l] Womens Dictionary


This floated around the office and seemed to fit in w/ our current
conversation re the guys rules.  I especially liked the 5 minute equivelancy
rule!

> 1. Fine
> This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they
> feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer.
> It means that you should shut up. Incidentally, never use the
> word "fine" to describe how she looks. It will lead to one of
> the arguments mentioned above.
> 
>   2. Five minutes
> These words actually mean half an hour. It is the equivalent to
> the five minutes that your football game is going to last before
> you take out the rubbish, so women feel that it's an even trade.
> 
>   3. Nothing
> The word "nothing" means something and you should be on your
> guard immediately on hearing it uttered. It is usually used to
> describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside
> out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" is signal for an
> argument that will last "five minutes" and end with the word
> "fine".
> 
>   4. Go Ahead (Raised eyebrow)
> Said in conjunction with raised eyebrows, it actually means the
> opposite. The words "go ahead" are not permission to do
> something; on the contrary it's a dare! If you mistake it for
> permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over
> "nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will
> end with the word "fine."
> 
>   5. Go Ahead (Normal eyebrow)
> Said in conjunction with normal eyebrows, it should not be
> confused with the granting of permission either. It means "I
> give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". It
> normally precedes by a few seconds a raised eyebrow and the
> words "go ahead", followed by "nothing" and "fine". She will
> speak to you again in about "five minutes" when she cools off.
> 
>   6. Loud Sigh
> This is not actually a word, but it is an important form of
> communication between a man and woman. It is also very
> frequently misunderstood by men. A "loud sigh" means she
> thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is
> wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over
> "nothing"!
> 
>   7. Soft Sigh
> Again, not a word, but a statement. "Soft sighs" are one of
> the few things that some men actually understand. It means
> she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or
> breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.
> 
>   8. Oh
> This word - followed by any statement - heralds big trouble.
> For example, "Oh, I spoke to him about what you were up to
> last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, just run -
> do not walk. She will tell you that she is "fine" when she
> is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not
> expect her to talk to you for at least two days.
> 
>   9. That's Okay
> This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman
> can say to a man. "That's okay" means that she wants to
> think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be
> for whatever you have done. "That's okay" is often used in
> conjunction with the word "fine" and a raised eyebrowed "Go
> ahead". Don't be fooled, once she has had time to plan it
> out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.
> 
>   10. Please Do
> This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving
> you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have
> done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even
> more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't
> get a "That's okay."
> 
>   11. Thanks
> The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for
> hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome".
> 
>   12. Thanks A Lot
> "Thanks a lot" is dramatically different from "thanks". A
> woman will say "thanks a lot" when she is really ticked
> off at you. It is usually followed by the "loud sigh". This
> signifies that you have hurt her in some way. Be careful
> not to ask what is wrong after the "loud sigh," as she
> will only tell you "nothing