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[at-l] Womens Dictionary
This floated around the office and seemed to fit in w/ our current
conversation re the guys rules. I especially liked the 5 minute equivelancy
rule!
> 1. Fine
> This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they
> feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer.
> It means that you should shut up. Incidentally, never use the
> word "fine" to describe how she looks. It will lead to one of
> the arguments mentioned above.
>
> 2. Five minutes
> These words actually mean half an hour. It is the equivalent to
> the five minutes that your football game is going to last before
> you take out the rubbish, so women feel that it's an even trade.
>
> 3. Nothing
> The word "nothing" means something and you should be on your
> guard immediately on hearing it uttered. It is usually used to
> describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside
> out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" is signal for an
> argument that will last "five minutes" and end with the word
> "fine".
>
> 4. Go Ahead (Raised eyebrow)
> Said in conjunction with raised eyebrows, it actually means the
> opposite. The words "go ahead" are not permission to do
> something; on the contrary it's a dare! If you mistake it for
> permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over
> "nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will
> end with the word "fine."
>
> 5. Go Ahead (Normal eyebrow)
> Said in conjunction with normal eyebrows, it should not be
> confused with the granting of permission either. It means "I
> give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". It
> normally precedes by a few seconds a raised eyebrow and the
> words "go ahead", followed by "nothing" and "fine". She will
> speak to you again in about "five minutes" when she cools off.
>
> 6. Loud Sigh
> This is not actually a word, but it is an important form of
> communication between a man and woman. It is also very
> frequently misunderstood by men. A "loud sigh" means she
> thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is
> wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over
> "nothing"!
>
> 7. Soft Sigh
> Again, not a word, but a statement. "Soft sighs" are one of
> the few things that some men actually understand. It means
> she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or
> breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.
>
> 8. Oh
> This word - followed by any statement - heralds big trouble.
> For example, "Oh, I spoke to him about what you were up to
> last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, just run -
> do not walk. She will tell you that she is "fine" when she
> is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not
> expect her to talk to you for at least two days.
>
> 9. That's Okay
> This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman
> can say to a man. "That's okay" means that she wants to
> think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be
> for whatever you have done. "That's okay" is often used in
> conjunction with the word "fine" and a raised eyebrowed "Go
> ahead". Don't be fooled, once she has had time to plan it
> out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.
>
> 10. Please Do
> This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving
> you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have
> done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even
> more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't
> get a "That's okay."
>
> 11. Thanks
> The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for
> hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome".
>
> 12. Thanks A Lot
> "Thanks a lot" is dramatically different from "thanks". A
> woman will say "thanks a lot" when she is really ticked
> off at you. It is usually followed by the "loud sigh". This
> signifies that you have hurt her in some way. Be careful
> not to ask what is wrong after the "loud sigh," as she
> will only tell you "nothing