[at-l] the challenges of our faith, morality and life

[ellen at clinic.net (Bob C)]

Many thanks Clark for your thoughts. Pain was not an issue when my folks died 20 years ago. My Dad had a stroke and never regained consciousness. He could grasp our hands, but had few other signs of consciousness. His hands were tied to keep him from pulling out his feeding and breathing tubes. After a week of hospital tests, the doctors concluded there was nothing they could do and nothing the hospital could do.

There were six of us siblings. We all gathered from across the country. One sister held out to the bitter end. But Dad eventually had to go to a special care facility, where he died two days later. My Mom in the meantime had been hospitalized herself with a defective heart valve. She was unable to go to the funeral.

She did insist on going home and died at home 5 months later. A sister who taught school, and my daughter were at her side. It was just 10 days before classes reopened. We were just beginning the discussion of what to do next when one morning she just stopped breathing. A blessing? It didn't seem like it at the time. But I now think so.

I have a living will. My wife who was hospitalized for six months, four months unconscious, doesn't. Her strongest "directive" came yesterday when whe commented: "For God's sake, let the poor woman die." I'm not sure how persuasive that would be if we get into a family dispute.

Both my parents were in their middle 80s. I truly think we have health care totally backwards. With all the needs of this nation, of all the needs of the nation's young people, I think it criminal to spend most health care dollars on extending life a few more days, a few more weeks or months for the elderly.

Death is not pleasant. But the mortality of humans is 100 percent. I like Henry Thoreau's response when asked if he had made his peace with God. "I didn't know we had quarreled," he replied. "One world at a time."

Weary