[at-l] 2nd of 14 Parapackers stories

[lpatton at mailer.fsu.edu (Linda Patton)]

This one introduces a "little hiker" for the first time.
	
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X-Sender: d_severance@pop.conknet.com
Date: Wed, 01 Mar 2000 19:28:57 -0500
To: AT-L@backcountry.net
Subject: [at-l] Gotti, Billy Bob Thornton and Startzell

Due to all this bad talk lately about Wingfoot, FELIX made me repost 
this item from 2/28/97:

1997 Donations Announced By ATC
Harper's Ferry, WV

        David N. Startzell, Executive Director of the ATC announced the 
following major donations at a lunchtime press conference today:

1. ACME NATIONAL VENDING MACHINE COMPANY

        Antonio "little hiker" Gotti III, the 3'9" CEO of Acme National 
was visibly quite emotional as he embraced Startzell several times 
throughout the press conference.  Acme had just donated 5,000 cigarette 
vending machines to the conference.

       Startzell hopes to retrofit the machines for placement in all 
trailside shelters and at "significant road crossings to maximize the use 
by both hikers and non-hikers alike."

         Each unit will be painted in such a manner as to "compliment the 
natural beauty of the local area as well as being triple-blazed to aid 
the weary hiker in identification."  When asked what the conference 
planned to sell in these machines, David replied, "Gee, I don't know - 
hiker stuff?"

        Finally, Dan Bruce abruptly walked to the front of the crowded 
room and announced that he had already begun work on "Vending Machines - 
The Where, the What and the How Much" a combined master's thesis and 
supplement to his popular, The Thru-Hiker's Guide.  He added that the 
supplement will be available by May 1 and come with a color coded map 
and complimentary AT token for use in any machine from Georgia to
Maine.

2. BILLY BOB THORNTON ENTERPRISES

        Billy Bob Thornton has agree to donate all proceeds from his 
upcoming movie to the ATC.

        He further pledged to match any and all donations made during 
1997 from any person with two first names.

        Suddenly David Startzell took the microphone from Billy Bob and 
announced that Benton Mackaye, father of the AT, was actually "Benton 
Lee Mackaye" and Myron Avery, first son of the AT, was actually "Bobbi 
Sue Avery" after the tragic accident with his handmade measuring wheel 
on the steep descent of East Baldpate.

        The press conference ended dramatically as Wingfoot gave the 
first token to "liitle hiker" Gotti as he was hoisted up as if a mere 
daypack by the executive director and placed on the shoulders of Billy
Bob Thornton.  As the little man dropped the token in the green and brown 
fern-motif machine the room fell deathly silent.  A roar erupted as 
Wingfoot fell to his knees, pulled the plunger as a knight reclaiming 
his sword and reached in to claim the cherished prize.  All four then 
turned to face the crowd as Wingfoot held up the very first AT Hiker 
Bar by Snickers.

As told to I. Bamaman 1997
Copyright 1997 D.S. Severance
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Coming next:  "The Seventh Shelter" by Ingmer Bamaman
	~~ eArThworm

Linda L. Patton, Reference Librarian, Strozier Library, Florida State Univ.
      Tallahassee, FL 32306-2047 (850)644-5019 lpatton@mailer.fsu.edu
          "A world without wilderness is a cage." -- David Brower