[at-l] The SUV thing and some other Off Topic Bull

[KellyGoVols@xxxxxxx (KellyGoVols@xxxxxxx)]

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Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but for me, there is no more
reassuring proof that America has not fundamentally changed since September
11th than the stirring sight of a shiny-suited executive simultaneously
screaming into his cell phone, flipping me off, and screeching through an
80-mile-per-hour left turn through a red light in his black,
sperm-whale-sized S.U.V. sporting two tiny American flags. It all makes me
wonder.... Was the "we have changed" mood of the country after September 11th
more a figment of our imagination than John Nash's friends at high tea?
Immediately following September 11th everyone entered a sort of undeniable
and palpable state of shock. Daily life was suddenly and utterly disrupted,
priorities shifted drastically, convenience evaporated, security tightened,
"Access Hollywood" began playing the serious music. Many of you tried to find
safety and refuge in your homes, seeking the solace and security of being
among family and friends, while others of you were simply too afraid or
depressed to go anywhere outside or you just stopped watching television. And
what you saw on the television caused you to be completely enraged and
horrified by humanity. You became tri-multaneously terrified, racked with
guilt, and suspicious of everything and everyone. In other words, you became
me. I remember my reaction after September 11th. I immediately began viewing
my fellow citizens as though they were cherished family members, unless of
course I didn't trust their looks. And by the way, if anybody who resembles
that goofy a$$hole with the shoe bomb ever sits down next to me on a plane,
I'm gonna call the stewardess over and say, "Hey, unless this jagoff is the
harmonica player for the J. Geils Band, get him off the f-king plane."  I
never enjoyed air flight, but now I don't board a plane without taking a
moment to shoot myself in the thigh with a tranquilizer dart. As a matter of
fact, I don't get on until my blood is coursing with enough thorazine to drop
an epileptic rhino. Let's see What else has has changed? Certainly
Afghanistan has. Now that the Taliban has become the Right Said Fred of
governing bodies, Afghanistan actually has a ministry of women's affairs,
headed by a woman. Christ, America doesn't have a ministry of women's
affairs, unless you count the delightfully sassy women of The View. They
always tell it like it is. You go, girls! You have to admit phone sex has
gotten a lot hotter in recent months. There's just something spicy about
knowing that John Ashcroft might be listening in. As for what many are
calling racial profiling in the aftermath of September 11th, well, get ready
to be pissed off, you ACLU-F-ing-Morons, we're dealing with a massive threat
and limited manpower, so, you want them to check everybody out equally? Sure,
fine okay, but let's at least compromise and put the Swedish dwarf a little
further down the list than the Iraqi explosives expert carrying a Belgian
passport with more eraser marks on it than Kid Rock's trig final. Hey, by the
way, to the parents of John Walker Lindh . When your kid comes home with the
Giovanni Ribisi facial hair, sporting a desert beanie and referring to the
Mrs. as an "Unclean Whore," it might be time to step up with a little tough
love. What else has happened since 9/11? Well, we've changed the way we look
at our public officials, Cheney is no longer a heart attack joke, but a cagey
domestic leader who sidesteps the limelight so that the country can focus on
the man at the top: Donald Rumsfeld. Just kidding, Georgie. You da man.
Americans now place so much trust in George W. Bush, think so highly of his
skills, respect him on such a deep level as a leader, that you'd think he had
broken his marriage vows with a 21-year-old intern. As the president said in
his speech five months after 9/11, the war against terror is just beginning,
and our success will depend in part on our attitude towards it. We need to
re-evaluate who our friends really are. All 19 hijackers were from the Middle
East, and yet many of our so-called allies from that part of the world claim
to feel our pain with all the fake sincerity and false bewilderment of Winona
Ryder looking for her sales receipt. On the whole, the tragedy hasn't
transformed America so much as we've Americanized it. The real tactical
mistake the terrorists made in trying to disrupt our society was that, in
attacking us in such a monstrous public way, they brought us together. And if
there's one thing we Americans have learned from decades of public beaches,
traffic jams, and crowded shopping malls after Thanksgiving, it's that we
hate being together. And that's why were gonna fight like hell to restore our
God-given right to get the f*** out of each other's faces.

Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

KellyGoOhio? (trying out new names, here.)