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- Subject: [at-l] HAA
- From: "Paul Miller" <email@example.com>
- Date: Mon, 7 Dec 1998 07:50:43 -0500
maybe some diffrent ones and maybe a bit more/or less(if anythign prolly
less) than Earthworms but i added the song and rules of meeting
thank you Earthworm for saving them i never thought to keep that
here is my current version of the complete list. the only thing i see truely
diffrent if order of statements and mine has a few more parts to it (i have
a. b. c. d etc example 48)
Hikers Anonymous Association. Symptoms of those who should join.
1) A new hiking store opens and you have to go see what they have, even
though you have 3 sets of every piece of camping equipment ever sold.
2) A hiking or camping brochure arrives at work in the mail, and nothing
seems to get done all morning until you've read it 3 times and highlighted
new gizmos which youre sure you dont have.
3) when you walk into a hiking or camping store your teen age son or
daughter demands to hold onto your wallet and credit card until you are
safely out of the store and on the way home.
4) Your kitchen has salamis drying all year hanging from the ceiling just
in case you get an opportunity to catch a quick 2-3 day hike and need ready
access to dried meat.
5) your closets and freezer are full of dehydrated food
6) you eat your cereal at home with powdered milk
7) You rush home every nite from work to read ATML or ATL or PCTL
8) You see, and confront, and FAIL to resolve the contradictory urges to
acquire new gadgets and gear yet keep them out of your pack to keep from
exceeding X% of your body weight. (SaraSW VCAT)
9) Pack manufacturers got "Caller I.D." just so they could know you were
calling, and ignore you.
10) While on the trail, even in conversation with other people, you refer
to youself int he third person
11) While in a highrise building's staircase, you can't climb up without
wondering and comparing what it would look like if the staircase were
unfolded and stretched along some ridge somewhere.
12) If rainy mornings leave you fearful of being wet and cold all day, even
though your home or workplace is in a walled structure.
13) If, once wetted by rain in a non-hiking environment, your first thought
is to reach for a comforting handful of gorp.
14) If extreme weather conditions of any sort instill curiousity about the
current conditions on top of Mt _______.
15) If word association tests of the phrase "2 miles" prompt the answer "1
16) If you screen someone's personal attractiveness based on your estimate
of how they'd look in a leanto in the morning.
17) If you refer to even a single piece of hiking gear with a proper name,
such as "Betsy," "Maybell," "Mack," or "Bill."
18) If you have ever gone to a cocktail party and used the phrase "Yeah, but
what's your trailname?"
19) If you remain incredulous that EVERYONE is not a member of The Clean
20) If you consider a hot shower to be a quasi-religious activity.
21) When it rains, even though you are at work, you want to drive home,
immediately put on your gore tex jacket and see if it really will keep you
dry in a pouring downpore that goes on for 5 hours.
22) same with your new tent
23) you have an entire wardrobe of nylon shirts and pants, even though you
only take 1 with you when you hike
24) you have more backpacks than underwear
25) you weat Thorlo socks to the office
26) If the walls of your cubical are totally obscured with hiking pictures,
articles about hiking, maps, etc.
27) If you know the distances between shelters, road crossings etc on "you"
section of the Trail.
28) If you refer to a trail location as "my section," or my "overlook," or
"my campsite," etc.
29) When you are eating with friends (non hikers) and suddenly all is silent
except for the noise that you are making as you scrape every fragment of
barley from the soup bowl....and everyone is staring at you. And you are
reeeeaaly glad you came to your senses before you start to lick the bowl.
30) You are prone to storing your spoon in your mouth between courses.
31) You repeatedly drive off the side of the road because you are looking at
the ridges and thinking 'what a hell of a climb that gap would be'
32) You return from the grocery store all aglow because you found a new line
of 'meals in a bag'.
33) You fondle gear....even if it isn't yours.
34) You smile and let out a great big sigh when you read this list!!
35) You commonly say "hiking" to mean backpacking, when everyone else means
36) When asked how long the hike was you reply with the number of weeks or
37) You DRIVE into a strange town and wonder where to pick up your mail
38) You start to recognize faces along the trail because you've passed/met
these other nuts before......
39) something When you can't get away you really want to knock out the
outside bedroom wall or just set the tent up in the back yard!
40) When looking at a gear catalogue, before looking at the price, you check
out the weight. If it's not listed, you move on to something else, no matter
how interesting it sounds.
41) a. You think "being off medication" means not taking vitamin I.
b. And you know what Vitamin I actually is :)
42) You know you're addicted (or perhaps hopelessly beat up) when you leave
your Lekis by the staircase!
43) On Thanksgiving, you thought about how much more food you could put away
if you were on the trail...
44) If you are in the middle of an important reaport for work, and you
forget completly about it because someone mentioned the word, "Hiking"
45) You are eating dinner, and everyone is staring at you because you tell
the waiter you wont drink the water till you see it boiled
46) You see a new tent model, and cause a 12 mile back up in traffic because
you jumped out of the car and left it in the middle of the road
47) your heart skips a beat when you see a bold sign stating "Tent Sale"
then are crushed when you find out that means that they are selling cars or
furniture under a big tent. I propose a constitutional amendment that when
the phrase "Tent Sale" is used that there must be tents on sale!
48) a. If you'll only buy books that have "hiking" or "backpacking" or
"trail guide" in the title.
b. Or if you'll buy ANY book with "hiking," "backpacking," or "AT" in
49) When some one asks you how old your shoes or other pieces of hiking and
non-hiking clothes are you reply "oh about X miles"
50) When you quote "WEEKS TO GO" and "DAYS TO GO" countdowns to loved ones
and strangers alike, though usually to the backs of their heads.
51) If more that half of your closet space contains backpacking and hiking
52) a. More like half the room
b. For us, it's one and a half rooms, 2 closets, part of the living
room, the entire basement and the back of 2 pickup trucks.
c. If you have a dedicated room for your backpacking and hiking gear.
53) When even your dog recognizes a white blaze
54) You insist that your wife/husband/s-other wrap all your Christmas gifts
in brown paper with "Please Hold For AT Hiker" and "c/o General Delivery"
all over the outside with a big , fat , CFT (Cuban felt tip.)
55) You're found by the young clerk at the Mall Sporting Goods Store sound
asleep on a dozen or so Louisville Slugger's you carefully arranged on the
floor of aisle 9.
56) You get a warm and fuzzy feeling when you smell coleman fuel.
57) You think Viagra is the name of those good ole hiking soles that last a
58) You find the AT Data Book a good read and keep it by the nightstand.
59) You don't like really putting my stuff up, because if it's sitting out
you can pretend you’re going on a trip soon. You get a smile on your face
everytime you wake up and see your backpack first thing in the morning.
60) When your life is REALLY stressful by anyone's standards, but you don't
even seem to notice, because YOU KNOW that in about 70-something weeks, you
get to go on a nice, long hike.
61) When you go to the store and check to see how many yards versus weight
on each brand of TP so you can be sure and have enough TP on the trail yet
keep it as lightweight as possible.
62) Whenever you travel on the east coast you try to pick out where your
route crosses the AT, even when you're flying, and make everyone on the
plane look down at it.
63) You eat at the stove, right out of the pot.
64) a. There's a pee bottle under your bed.
b. You use it.
***** MEETING RULES ! *************
>From Bartholomew Lally
Subject: Re: ATML Hikers anonymous assoc
Date: Fri, 4 Dec 1998 00:35:27
Sorry, you cannot bring gear to meetings, you must also shower,
get a ride and no boots please. Remember we are here to recover.
***** OFFICIAL SONG ! *************
>From Datto IsIn
Subject: Re: [at-l] A few more Hiking Anon.
Date: Sun, 6 Dec 1998 02:22:48
Straight from my adjacent Yamaha PSR 510 keyboard. Think funky
keyboard with some insitu sax here...wearing my sunglasses in front of
the monitor...okay everyone sing it one time with me out loud now...
I guess you better *slow* that buying down...
Mustbuy Sally now baby (da boom boom)
Guess you better slooow that buying down...
You've been runnin' all over town now...
Ooo! I guess you've gotta put your feet onnn the ground.
(Sing it to me one more time girls)
All you wanna do is hike around baby
(Hike, Sally, Hike)
All you wanna do is hike around baby
(Hike, Sally, Hike)
Come on, All you wanna do is hike around Sally
(Hike, Sally, Hike)
I'll tell you...
One of these early mornnnnings....
You're gonna be swiping that credit card.
Ha! Everyone shake it with me now and sing some more...
You bought you a brand new backpack
About ci 4165, Ha!
Now you come around, signifyin' woman
Girl you forget about that hike.
Mustbuy Sally (Ooo Sally)
I guess you better *slow* that hiking down.
Mustbuy Sally now baby (you go girl)
Guess you better slooow that hiking down...
(Everyone...Ray Charles it here..)
You've been runnin' all over towwwn
^Ooo^ I guess you gotta put those *feet* onto the ground.
Oh yes, baby you gotta put your feet..
Come on boss...Take it down from here girls...
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