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[at-l] Reporting from the Village of Delaware Water Gap

Reposted with permision from kendall
Original post date ..today

Reporting from the Village of Delaware Water Gap, 
Pennsylvania, MR. ED
says.....

The following hikers have passed through 
DWG this week: These hikers were
developing a true group affinity...a trail 
family which stretches a couple
of days in front and a couple of days in 
back....they were more like a wagon
train, circling up for the night...looking 
inward toward each other for
support and friendship...this is no l
onger individuals hiking ....this is
the proud class of '98 ...nobody else
 counts.....there is US, there is the
TRAIL, there is the REST OF THE WORLD.  
The villagers, who are very
supportive, stand along the curbs and 
watch the heroes pass through...prop
them up when necessary....and it is 
kinda like the first day when the circus
comes to town and parades their elephants 
and wagons through town to
generate interest.  A few youngsters want 
to run away and join
them....oldsters too.  The youngsters 
usually back off --when a smelly hiker
offers this little bit of conversation:  
"Hey Kid....have you EVER seen a
blister that looks like this?"

Numb Nuts  (NumbSkull?)  Probably related t
o the guy last week with the Numb
Legs.
Backdraft
Tortoise
Hare
Bert
Ernie
Goldbond
Shade
Hummer
Ironweed
Kitchen Sink
Solemates
Red Beard
The Kid
NeverQuit
Mariner
Israel
Droopy Drawers
Blazing Bunions
Tatto

Probably the most abused body part on 
a thru-hiker is the toe.  Hikers tend
to flop down, throw their pack against 
the wall and take off their boots.
Then they go in search of their sandals.  

These new-fangled internal frame
packs are really like a soggy smelly 
volcano...they implode, they explode.
The exhausted hikers pull out all their 
stuff and toss it around to all
points of the compass.  "Where are 
those damn Tevas?"  The thing they are
looking for is always on the bottom, 
and everything they own is laying
around the parking lot...wind blowing 
their maps into the next
county....paper money drops into the 
mud puddle...the  "killer poodle" runs
off with a sock and some smelly underwear....
"damn honey got all over my new
bedroll.....damn fuel bottle leaked again....
maybe the damn Coleman fuel
will help get the damn honey off my damn stuff?"

The thing about Tevas is that you have 
to LOOK at the toes.  You may TRY TO
NOT LOOK AT the toes, but somehow you 
always LOOK AT THE TOES.  Most hikers
don't put on their socks with their Tevas....
don't know why.....(putting
germs on an open wound?).    Watching a 
hiker hobble around the village with
those toes is probably no more GROSS
than watching...say....some guy walking
home NUDE, from the hospital after open 
heart surgery.  Some toes are
completely black and filled with blood, 
usually the middle toes.  "Could you
keep that blood off the carpet please?!"  
The big toes have either already
lost the nail or it's hanging by a thread.  
The small toes sometimes look
like they never had a nail.  My son 
always comes to the dinner table with a
question and right after saying grace 
he asks:  "Hey Dad....did you see that
guy's toes?.....there was puss coming out 
of both big toes..CooOool....could
you pass the mashed potatoes?"  Hikers 
always seem to say the same thing:
"ahh....no....the boots fit just fine....
great....really".

Speaking of NUDE.  I am told that Sunday 
is HIKE NUDE DAY.  The village
photographer, and his next door 
neighbor, the village "prevert" (spelling
intentional) have picked out a spot up on 
Mt. Minsi to get "first crack" at
seeing a nude hiker.  They go through this 
loony adventure every year,
plotting like juvenile delinquents. 
 Their both in their 60's and harmless
but they think it's the funniest joke 
in the world to tell everybody in the
village that their snack for the day 
will be "Little Debbie's Ding Dongs" or
maybe some "Honey Buns."   There's no 
end to the nude jokes they can come up
with.  Usually the village Pastor tells 
them to "shut-up and go home."

After the recent rains the spring are 
running well.  The bears in into
berries, and not packs. The Ridgerunners 
are getting tanned and skinny and
wise beyond their young years.  
The prospects for hiking are good...really
good.
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