[at-l] social adjustment post-trail

[pmags at yahoo.com (Paul Magnanti)]

--- Jim and/or Ginny Owen <spiriteagle99@hotmail.com>
wrote:
> Don't count on it - I didn't lose that much on the
> PCT either.
>

I am in trouble then..as mentioned, I am in better
shape at the start of each long hike. :-) I don't need
to lose as much weight as I did on the PCT ..never
mind the AT. Oh well..here's too looking like a 
"skinny-mini" as my mom would say...

> point if I was unhappy being there. There were over
> 100 people there.   Can 

Here is a great way to segue-way into my off trail
re-adjustment stories. It is a bit longish..so let the
reader beware.

Re-adjusting after the AT was just brutual. Most of
the people who have been on this list for a while know
the story of what I found out the day after I finished
the AT, but to re-cap for those who are new here (1999
on!): 

August 1st, 1998. Finished the AT. Easily one of the
happiest days of my life. My best friend, who I have
known since Catholic school days, hiked the last week
of the trail with me. My youngest brother and other
friends met us at Katahdin Stream campground at 7am.

Still remember the day clearly. The ponds were misting
for the day was cool, but warming quickly. The two
miles from Daicey to Katahdin were strange. Almost
dream like. Five mos of hiking about to come to an
end.
But I arrived in the parking lot, and there was Steve
(brother), Leo, Jim and Steve (friend). They hadn't
seen me in 5 mos, never saw me with a beard, and
couldn't believe how I looked (or smelled!). 

Climbed to the Tableland with them. But, as soon as I
saw the Katahdin sign, I sped up. All but Steve and
Tim fell behind. Reach the sign, hollered, took my
picture (with a full watermelon I carried to the
summit). The others arrived and pulle out a feast. Leo
packed in a bottle of Dom (!). My first and only time
drinking a $100 bottle of champagne. They also sprayed
me down with sprakling wine. They said I smelled
better stinking of cheap booze! We also had cold-cuts,
bagles, cheese, fresh fruit. As Squanto said "Your
friends packed an Italian deli to the summit!".
Indeed.
Also puffed on some convenience store stogies my
brother packed in. Reminded me of why I don't smoke...
Happy..happy..happy..very happy day.

August 2nd, 1998. Shaved, showered, clean clothes.
Somewhere on I-95 getting back to RI. The rental car
got very quiet. My brother, who had just graduated
from high school, said "Paul. There's somethng I have
to tell you". That is usually not a good way to start
a conversation...
"While you were away, our parents seperated. The
family house has been sold"... Me "What about the
dog?" (Family pet of 15 yrs) Steve "She's been put to
sleep". (She had arthrtitis extrememly bad before I
left..had lost most of her sight while I was away)

Ouch.

As you can imagine the double whammy of a) getting
used to civilization  after 5 mos of exploring the
woods b) getting used to the idea that the previous 24
yrs of my life just does not exist anymore made for me
an interesting time. Pulling up to the family home
seeing a SOLD sign on the front lawn, finding all my
belongings in cardboard boxes and having two weeks to
find a place to live (when I did not expect to) was a
bit overwhelming.

Needless to say, 1999 was a difficult year for me.
Felt lost. No one in my family could relate really. I
was supposed to have gotten it out of my system. At
24, I was supposed to start thinking of serious
things.
And Rhode Island is not exaclty a mecca for people who
value the outdoors as something to be cherished. :-D
Coming from a conservative, blue-collar, Catholic
background was not supposed to do things like dreaming
of taking big adventures. One was supposed to be more
than enough. Time to get a good job, meet a nice girl,
start a family.  (Come to think of it..they still say
that. :D) My friends, with the exception of one
friend, wondered when I was going to "snap out of it"
as well.

Long story short...needed a change and moved to
Colorado one year to the day I ended the AT. Wanted to
get away and start fresh, if you will. Tim kicked me
in the ass to get a move on. Basically said "You
aren't happy. Do something about it!" Good friends are
like that...

Moving to Colorado was an adventure in itself.  I
might as well have moved to Guam.  For most of my
friends and family, going to Boston (1 hr away), was a
road trip. Being 2000 miles away? Wow... Definitely
became the black sheep in a family where all 6
children and  all 16 grandchildren still lived within
ten miles of each other. (On the other hand, when I do
visit, I do get to pick whatever food I want for
family meals. ;-) Oh yes..the family is now up to 4
great-grandchildren. Traditional Catholic family in
more than a few ways... )

Think that is common for many people who finish a long
trail. Feel a drift. Not sure what to do next. The
goal you worked so hard for has been finished. Now
what?  Part of that feeling is physiological. Your
energy level was abusrdly high. The body becomes
addicted to that level. Then, the activity ceases
abruptly. But, the big adjustment is psychological.
Getting used to many people again. Getting used to
living on a schdule that is not set by you. Going from
your "office view" being the mountains to working in a
cubicle again, wondering if you can get the extra
day-off for along weekend.  

I think I had a unique post-trail story, but sure of
this story reflects, in some ways, for other
thru-hikers, too.

My PCT re-adjustment story was in someways better,
someways worse. I figured doing the AT, would be ready
for the post-trail "funk". Wrong.

First, the IT industry took a big nose dive in
Colorado. Even more so than the rest of the country.
Long story short, the job I had lined up before I left
was no longer. The company was liquidated.  The job I
had to take more or less had retail hours (did the
techie thing in a computer store) and was hard to even
escape on weekends for a needed outdoor fix.

As Jim mentioned, I also felt uncomfortable in crowds.
At the first meeting I attended for my outdoor group,
one friend asked me if I was OK. I am still like that
in crowds, if a bit better than a year ago. I don't
think I was really prepared for the physiological
changes. I was so pre-occupied with the family issues
post-AT, that I did not notice the physiological
issues at all. This time I did. 

But, living in Boulder (which *IS* an outdoor mecca),
had much more support from other people. People who
may not have thru-hiked but have spent weeks or months
biking in Europe. Climbing the Himalayas. Training for
ulta-marathons. They could relate on some level.
People who actually wanted to hear stories. Who nodded
their heads and understood. 
Also became heavily involved in my outdoor group. Took
over the e-mail list, organized a bunch of trips. In
short, found a new "project" right away. And I took up
running, helping to keep up that physical activity.
The combo of running and being involved in something
really shortened the post-trail funk.

So, post-trail "funkiess" can be interesting. You feel
lost, uncomfortable in "normal life". You miss the
lifestyle terribly. SOme people adjust better than
others. Some keep on hiking. :-)

Anyway, that was my long, rambling post about my
post-trail experiences. A bit akward at times..but I
adjusted. For the most part. ;-)

Mags




 


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The true harvest of my life is intangible.... a little stardust caught, a portion of the rainbow I have clutched
--Thoreau