[at-l] Apples and Oranges

[Katrx at aol.com (Katrx@xxxxxxx)]

In a message dated 6/15/03 7:53:48 AM Central Daylight Time, greyowl@rcn.com 
writes:





> is not to victimize the 
> victim but they got themselves into this situation.  The they did 
> need to stay at the four pines, what is another 1/2 mile of hiking.  
> The young lady did not have to make a snide comment to a drunk 
> 







   OK. Define snide. Does anyone "deserve" this result for a "snide" comment.
A mistake was obviously made by this young lady but how does the comment not 
victimize the victim? As a counselor, I often struggle with getting 
abuse/trauma victims to even recognize themselves as a victim (i.e., I shouldn't have 
said that; I shouldn't have spilled the milk; I should have noticed he was upset 
when he came home; but he/she promised never to beat me or the kids again; 
but I thought all families were like that;etc) so healing can begin.  Otherwise, 
the victim is somehow responsible for someone else's actions, thoughts and 
feelings. We are responsible for our own actions, feelings, drinking, etc. Yes, 
it would have been wonderful if she had hiked on or kept quite..but she 
didn't.  Of course, she will have learned "a painful lesson" but let's leave 
responsibility where it belongs...at least, that is how I feel.
    Just a thought from someone who has been there; has healed (scars linger, 
of course) and now reach out a hand to others to help them heal.
    Grey Owl, you are so right about personal safety; calling for 
professional help; moving on and the other wise advice.  I really learned to rely on that 
first "impression or gut instinct." I was always more uncomfortable in town 
than on the trail so I was pretty guarded...but then I am older...OK...old and 
have learned a few things the hard way.<g> Skylander: good statements about 
responsibility and definitions from DSM-IV
Know this topic is tired but I am interested in y'alls responses.
Dare
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