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[at-l] OT - Satire
Those Belgiums better be careful. We'll do what we did with their invention
-- change the name to "French something-or-the-other" (they invented French
Fries), and drown them in Catsup.
William, The Belgium Fry Turtle
From: Quoleldil [mailto:email@example.com]
Sent: Friday, October 25, 2002 11:07 AM
Subject: [at-l] OT - Satire
Belgians Lead Push for Regime Change in America
September 24, 2002
By Phil Lebovits
Spurred by reports of an aggressive military build-up and failure to
reign in corporate terrorists, the government of Belgium is pressing for
a preemptive strike against the regime of George W. Bush.
"We cannot sit idly by and eat our delicious chocolates while the United
States government engages in a policy of harassment," Belgian Prime
Minister Guy Verhofstadt said in a nationally-televised address to the
people. "Now is the time for action. We cannot waffle."
Recent reports from Belgian intelligence sources indicate that the
United States is now in possession of weapons of mass destruction -
chemical, biological and nuclear.
"We know that the United States has nuclear weapons and that they have
actually used them in the past," intoned the Prime Minister." There is
no reason to think they will not use them in the future."
Verhofstadt is insisting that United Nations weapon inspectors be given
"unfettered access to the massive stockpiles" of weapons, and that they
be destroyed immediately.
"We stand at the crossroads," pleaded Verhofstadt. "Either the United
agrees to our demands, or we will be forced to put down our delicious
chocolates and lead the way for permanent regime change. Remember, my
dear Walloons, the current clique in Washington was elected in direct
contravention of the will of the American people. Regime change will be
welcomed by their citizens."
Reaction to the speech throughout Europe was swift.
"We stand with our Belgian brothers," offered French President Jacques
Chirac. "France is willing to commit thirty-five troops and many cases
of fine champagne to the cause. We cannot stand on the sidelines
enjoying our delicious baguettes while our comrades from Antwerp go it
Let me assure the dear Prime Minister. France is with you, almost."
Russian President Vladimir Putin did not mince any words. "Again, it is
the powerful Belgians who must lead the world against aggression and
American hegemony. Russia stands with her European allies and insists that
United States disarm unilaterally. I only wish we too had delicious
Following the speech, the mood at the White House was one of defiance.
"Let the Belgians make their empty threats," said White House spokesman
Ari Fleischer. "We are urging Hershey's and Mars and other fine American
chocolate makers to increase their yummy output by two-hundred percent
in the coming weeks. We intend to break up the evil-doing Belgian
chocolate cartel once and for all."
Vice President Dick Cheney was even more bellicose. Speaking directly
underneath Karl Rove from an undisclosed underground bunker, the Vice
President warned of dire consequences should Belgium make a preemptive
"We are prepared to strike back with alarming force," said Cheney. "The
Belgians cannot bully us. They may be the world's only superpower, but
we here in America have Allah on our side. To hell with their delicious
Verhofstadt, while unyielding in tone and substance, did offer the
Americans a plausible way out. "I call upon George W. Bush to capture
Sheik Kenneth Lay, Imam Dennis Kozlowski, and the entire Worldcom
terrorist organization, and to hand them over to an international
tribunal. The United States can no longer harbor agents of terrorism.
You are either with us or against us."
Back in Washington, the Joint Chiefs of Staff and National Security
Advisor Condaleeza Rice were trying eagerly to persuade President
Bush that there was indeed a country named Belgium.
vocate atque non vocate deus aderit
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