[at-l] Goings on in Erwin......

[cballs@mindspring.com (Curtis Balls)]

This is the entry from my journal for Erwin, Tennessee.  The year was 1999.



5/4 - 5/6 ~ NOLICHUCKY RIVER; ERWIN, TN (milepoint 337.7)

Erwin! My sweet, sweet Erwin! I fell in love with Erwin slowly, but when I
did it was all the way to the bone.

First stop just off the trail was Uncle Johnny's Hostel. Some people were
comparing it to a Jimmy Buffet kind of place. I think it's better. I think
it's just plain Coolsville. Johnny, who has a magnanimous and garrulous
personality, makes you his friend from the first hello. Within minutes of
meeting Johnny he was conferring with me and his cook about the kind of
food the hikers were going to want for dinner.  Red beans with Cajun rice
and sausage was proposed and agreed to so long as they added a lot of
sausage and threw in some fresh vegetables and fruits they'd have the
hikers oinkin' and squealin' like pigs at the trough. A BBQ was proposed
for the next day or the day after. Like I said, it's plain Coolsville.

I didn't stay with Johnny. There are no private telephones at Johnny's and
I desperately needed one so I decided to stay at the Holiday Inn Express.
They have a hot tub too! The folks at Holiday Express were excellent, more
than simply efficient and competent, they were warm and genuinely friendly
refreshingly devoid of the fake corporate trained hospitality so common
today.

But first things first: shower- ahhh! and laundry. Sooner or later all your
clothes get dirty so doing laundry can be downright tricky and potentially
embarrassing if you forget yourself and make a mistake. The Holiday Inn has
a washer and dryer for hiker's use in an alcove just off the lobby on the
way out to the pool.  I put on my rain jacket, which comes almost to my
knees, zipped it all the way up and all the other clothes went into the
washer. While standing around waiting for them to finish, Bob. a.k.a.
Flattop, came around the corner. I hadn't seen Flattop and his wife
Footprints, for about a week. Bob offered me a beer and insisted on showing
me he and his wife's great digs in the Holiday Express, complete with
Jacuzzi. I mumbled something about having to wait for my laundry but Bob
kpet insisting I have a beer. I figured it would be okay so long as I didn'
t sit down. I followed Bob around the corner and was dutifully amazed at
his and Footprints' palatial accommodations. The television was large
enough to crawl into. Bob and Sandy kept inviting me to have a seat. After
several offers and my continued mumblings about having to get back to my
laundry, it finally occurred to them that it was just me and my rain coat.
Sandy said."Oh, no wonder your rain gear is zipped all the way up."
"Yes, and it's a fashion statement too," I explained.
We all laughed nervously, I downed my beer and beat a hasty retreat back to
the laundry.  I'm thinking about getting a floor length raincoat.

The next day, Bob and I got shuttled over to Harold's Lutrell's Barber Shop
for a haircut by Ms. Janet, the fastest, bestest hiker shuttler in Erwin.
Well if not the fastest, at least the busiest and the most efficient who
can get more hikers in her station wagon than anyone in town. She had
eleven of us in there at one time, plus a dog. Some of us had groceries and
there were about two cases of beer in there somewhere under the dog. She
also explained a lot about the town as she drove us through it.  She was a
first rate shuttler and fine Erwin guide.  Erwin is a half mile wide and
about 15 miles long with most restaurants, groceries and banking services
on the opposite end of town from Johnny's Hostel and the Holiday Express so
shuttle services are fairly essential.

Along with Bob and me at Harold's that morning were several older guys,
regulars at Harold's Barber Shop Emporium. Harold is a spiffy barber, the
best advertisement for his services decked out all in elegant gray. His
light gray beard and mustache were meticulously trimmed and waxed, his gray
hair waved and parted and he was neatly dressed in a light gray knit shirt
and darker gray knit pants. You could say that Harold was a study in gray.
Completing his gray resemble was a gold chain necklace, a gold bracelet and
two gold rings, one studded with a big fat diamond. I don't believe it was
a rhinestone. Harold, you could just tell, is not a rhinestone kind of guy.

While sitting waiting our turn in Harold's chair and listening to its
current occupants recount their aches and pains and doctor's orders to
Harold, in walked Elwood. Well, first he stuck his head in the door and
called out, "Hey Harold, is Ernie in here?"
"No, he's not here," answered Harold.
"Well, he's supposed to be here. I wonder where he could be, probably
somewhere running his mouth,"   Elwood said, answering his own question as
he ambled in to the shop. Elwood is about seven feet tall and was dressed
in his blue overalls and feed store cap.  He looks about 60 something.
"That Ernie, he's always blabbin' and flappin' his mouth wherever he goes."
Elwood went on, "You can't get a word in edgewise when Ernie's around."

Everyone in the shop, except Flattop and myself, being the outsiders,
chuckled knowingly.
"Yeah, that ole Ernie is a good fella, but you just can't keep him quite."
Elwood continued. "Now, me on the other hand rarely says a thing. I figure
that if I keep my mouth shut people won't think I'm as dumb as I look,
rather than go flappin' my mouth and remove all doubt."
Elwood paused only long enough for the laughs he knew were coming from the
rest of us.
"Naw, to be truthful," he started nodding his head, "Ernie just talks by
movin' his head up and down. He's one lazy talker. He's like that old lazy
rooster I used to have. I had two roosters. One of 'em would crow and the
other one would just nod his head."

Elwood had us, and he knew it. He than launched into his story about the
time he and his wife Brenda had taken their first plane ride to Atlanta. He
said going down the runway just about the time the plane got ready to lift
off, Brenda got really anxious and started squirmin' around actin' like she
wanted to crawl over the back of her seat. "Ohmigod," she cried out, "are
we in the air?"
To which Elwood replied, "Good god I hope so. I don't want to go this fast
all the way to Atlanta on the ground!"

We were all nearly in the floor, holding our sides. But Elwood wasn't
finished. "I noticed that every time I'd tug on my seatbelt, the guy sittin
' in the seat next to me would go "uh! uh!" It wasn't til we got half way
to Atlanta that I realized I had the seatbelts crisscrossed.

By this time we were wiping the tears from our eyes. Just then Harold said,
"Here's Ernie now."   Elwood ran over to the door, opened it up for his
friend, and called out, "Hey Ernie git in here. Where you been? Sittin' out
in your truck waitin' for me?" To which Ernie nodded his head as he entered
the shop.

Ernie was carrying an 8"x12" piece of walnut board in which he had cut the
image of a black bear and four bear paw prints in intricate and elaborate
detail. Erine had come to show off his handiwork and to discuss with Elwood
about how to finish it with the highlights that Elwood had put in his
version of the same bear image that was setting on Harold's barber shop
counter framed in a scrapboard frame. A discussion between the two wood
artisans ensued in which Elwood did most of the talking and Ernie did all
of the nodding.

When I left Harold's shop, I thanked all the guys for the best time I've
ever had getting a haircut.

By that evening, the Holiday Express, and we heard,  Uncle Johnny's Hostel,
were overflowing with hikers trying to get in out of the rain. The weather
people kept predicting rain for the next day so many hikers waited another
day. Of course it didn't rain that day. It rained the next day, the day we
all left.

The Erwin Burrito Company in downtown Erwin turned out to be the restaurant
of choice among the hikers, first because of its great food and second
because of its hip, laid back, casual atmosphere. The Bluegrass music kept
you tapping your feet.  The Main Brew Café, around the corner from The
Erwin Burrito Company, is an oasis of fine coffee and espresso, cappuccinos
and lattes and the most excellent desserts in 10 States. Michael, the
proprietor, serves the best pound cake to be had anywhere, with chocolate
buttercream frosting, brownies, croissants, cookies and Italian sodas.
There are wonderful books everywhere and a sofa and a loveseat that invite
you to linger awhile and revel in old world charm and sophistication.
Michael offers Internet service as well-for free. The Erwin Burrito Company
and The Main Brew are the Greenwich Village of Erwin, Tennessee.

At the beginning of my trail day in Erwin, I decided that gravity is
stronger here than it has been anywhere else on the Trail. I joked with all
the locals that if I didn't leave now, I'd have to sell my apartment in New
York and start looking for a house in Erwin.

By the way, was I the only one who noticed that Erwin's memorial to the
Confederate War dead is on Lincoln Street? Not only does Erwin have a sense
of humor, it has a great sense of the ironic as well.

Goodbye sweet Erwin. The Trail is calling.


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