[pct-l] The First and hopefully Annual ADZPCTKOBOYMUIC

[rubberchuckie at yahoo.com (Chuckie V)]

With two months to go, the "First and hopefully Annual ADZPCTKOBOYMUIC" (Annual Day Zero Pacific Crest Trail Kick Off Bring Out Your Most Useless Item Contest) is seeking Panelists and Entrants for our fun-filled event on Friday, April 22nd!
 
Here's what the event entails:

A panel of five self-proclaimed "experts" will judge an entrant's backpacking gear and decide what they deem as the most useless item that the particular backpacker is planning to carry on their journey. Panelists shall not be allowed to judge the event's organizers as 'most 
useless', unless it turns out that they are.

 
An entrant need NOT be a potential or past thru-hiker, but simply someone carrying a backpack with a useless item or two inside it. If nothing is in your pack is useless--in other words, your base weight weighs in at less than eight pounds--you need not enter. 
 
 
To qualify as a panelist, you must:
 
0) Adhere to the original ADZPCTKO rule: there are NO rules!

 
1) Comprehend what it means to carry something on your back for long distances. In particular, something that weighs considerably heavy, not including a grudge. This does not mean that potential panelists are required to be accomplished thru-hikers but that they've carried a backpack over a distance they personally consider as 'long'. In many cases, to the refrigerator and back is far enough. 

 
2) You must also possess the ability to identify a particular object as useless for hiking such long distances, particularly with regards to hiking long distances on the PCT. This doesn't directly coincide with number 1 above, but that's okay.

 
3) Understand the difference between a 'most useless item' and a 'least useful item'. A most useless item is exactly that: completely useless (as you, the panelist, see fit). A least useful item is still useful and cannot qualify as a most useless item. 
 
 
4) You shall also be able to decipher between two items of varying uselessness and come to a decision as to which one is more useless. For example: if an entrant pulls out a neck tie and a framed picture of their grandma Gertrude, you must convene with other panelists and 
decide which item is more useless. It is worth noting that your fellow panelists will likely have different definitions of what is deemed as most useless. Therefore, the panel will discuss among themselves (but out loud so that the audience can hear) and come to an agreement 
as to what is more useless (not 'least useful' as stated above). If no agreement is made, the item is deemed 'least useful' and is not useless at all. However, if three panelists agree that a particular item is the most useless in an entrant's rucksack and the other two panelists do not--instead choosing another item--the three panelists override the other two's decision and said item is thereby labeled as 'most useless'. It is important to note that no panelists shall take any of this too seriously and may be required to drink a number of beers before said contest begins. (Please see Rule Number 0 above). 

 
 
5) Finally, you must also understand that the First and hopefully Annual ADZPCTKOBOYMUIC is only a way to help enlighten (and lighten) participants willing enough to show all their gear and bring out their most useless item(s). The entrant retains all power in deciding what they keep and carry with them, except, of course, in the case of the neck tie. No one shall be allowed on the trail with a tie, though it can work as a headband, or a lanyard, or a...    

 
To qualify as an entrant, all you need to do is:

 
1) Be willing to display every piece of gear (except that which might embarrass you) in your backpack to our "expert" panelists and the huge audience that is likely to gather. Please note that that you need NOT be a hiker about to set off on a hike. You can enter if you just want the panel to check out your current gear list. Again; you needn't be a thru-hiker--past, present or potential--to enter! Your gear, however, must include everything you believe is necessary to hike long distances. (Please note, as previously stated, that the phrase 'long distances' is very subjective; this is okay too.)
 
 
2) Understand that the ADZPCTKOBOYMUIC is strictly for entertainment purposes and that you, as an entrant, have the final say in what you keep and what you choose not to. There is no cost, of course, except the possibility of some good laughs; some of these laughs, however, may come at your expense if you pull out a neck tie. 
 
 
Lastly, the audience is encouraged to participate by wooing the panelists and swaying any decision making process. "Yays" or "Nays" may be vocalized when our expert group of panelists seek assistance, and even when not. 
 
 
En route to the conclusion of the "First and hopefully Annual ADZPCTKOBOYMUIC", entrants will be asked to keep their most useless item out and a final decision will be made as to what wins the "Absolutely the Most Useless Item of the ADZPCTKOBOYMUIC Award." This highly prestigious award might even be worth carrying on a future hike, if its winner decides it's not too useless. 
 
 
If participating as a panelist or an entrant might be of interest you, or if you have any brilliant ideas how to assist in this event, please contact me at the above e-mail address. All ideas are welcome! 
 
Yogi, I'd like you to seriously consider participating as a panelist, if you would. 
 
 
Thanks,
Chuckie
...Boulder (currently mild) and Solvang (currently wild).