[pct-l] chintzy user fee analogy

[CMountainDave@aol.com (CMountainDave@aol.com)]

A person who's house was on fire called the fire department for help. "If 
this is an emergency press one," said the phone. He quickly pressed one. "If 
this is to report a cat up a tree press one. If you are reporting a brush 
fire press two. If you are reporting a fire ban violation press 3. If you are 
reporting a house fire press 4." He pressed four. "Welcome," said the phone. 
"You have reached the emergency fire center. Due to the high volume of calls 
you may experience a delay. Please stay on the line and your call will be 
answered in the order it was received." He waited his turn. "Operator," said 
the phone. "May I have your name and user fee number?" "User fee number?" 
said the hapless dude who's house was on fire. "Yes, we require a user fee 
number or major credit card since legislation was passed last year requiring 
users of our services to pay directly for our services.  You remember, 
property owners got fed up with all those tax increases and passed Referendum 
1245 to require user fees for emergency services." The hapless home owner's 
wallet was in the burning bedroom. "Would you like to talk to our credit 
department for a quick credit check and information on our easy monthly 
payment plan?"
  Ms. Mom took little Johnny down for his first day of school. She was 
greeted by a receptionist in the lobby who asked for proof of residency, a 
birth certificate and social security number. She then tapped away on her 
computer for a while and finally said, "That will be $15,457.  Will that be 
cash or credit, ma'am?" "I beg your pardon," said Ms. Mom. "You know," said 
the receptionist, this year we require user fees for all students because of 
passage of Referendum 1245 requiring users of public education to pay 
directly for our services. You have four options -- cash, major credit card, 
our easy monthly payment program (upon credit approval) or Johnny can have 
his future social security checks reduced by 25% to pay for his childhood 
education." "But we already pay LOTS of taxes that support our public 
schools," whined Ms. Mom. "Yes, I know," said the receptionist with a smile, 
"and we appreciate that. But you remember the study that showed we just 
weren't getting enough money. And those nasty, childless property owners 
howled to the moon about getting nothing for their tax dollar when we 
proposed yet another property tax increase, so here we are."
   The frazzled commuter was driving his usual route to work one morning when 
he saw what appeared to be a road block up ahead ..... and on and on and on.
    Hey, just had a great user fee idea! Hourly meters on all car campground 
and trailhead parking spaces and coin operated sanicans and backcountry 
privies. And a new no trace ethic - Take only oxygen leave only Co2 (in 
accordance with the Kyoto Accord, of course)
   And with that final note, I am gone for a while. Going on a few hikes and 
trips for the rest of the summer -- gotta go break that Wonderland Trail 
record, for one -- and won't be around to be harassed. I'll be back in a 
couple of months to get my fair share of abuse. Yeah, yeah, I know -- don't 
go away mad -- just go away!