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[ft-l] Kelly's trip report

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Great trip report!  Had me laughing out loud.  I can just picture you at Alexander Springs Grocery with a headlamp.....

Happy hiking,


wood I got at the gate was NOT burning properly, being damp and all, as
everything in Florida almost always is, and my Duraflames had burnt out. I
needed some more fake wood. I got in the truck and drove to the country sto=
and bar. This place, barely big enough to turn around in, was warm and coz=
and I wanted to pitch a tent RIGHT THERE. Anyway, it was little, and I
thought NO WAY is this place going to have Duraflames. I had to ask about
the availability of Duraflames, as everything was placed willy nilly, with =
reason to the stock. Well, having been in Ocala (which is essentially more
southern than South Florida) for a mere four hours, my accent was back in
full force. The conversation went something like this: "Ya=E2=80=99ll got=
inny fake
wud?" The girl behind the counter points to a corner and says, "Yeah,
hunneeee, over=E2=80=99n d=E2=80=99corner thar, if theys inny lay-ift, what=
zat on yur
hay-ed?" I took off the bad sky piece so=E2=80=99s not to scare the locals=
, or the
wildlife for that matter, so I reckon she was talking about my Petzl, which=
had left shining brightly on, and forgotten to take off. So there I walked
in, like a deranged miner, looking for fake wood. And beer. Next door to
this dandy country store was a bar, and I nearly gave up the wilderness and
had drinks with the locals. Alas, I stuck to my semi-plan, grabbed a six
pack of Heineken and the last two logs of fake wood. They had one six pack
of Heineken and two logs. I cleaned them out! I was running short on cash=
and thought no way do they accept American Express. Well, They take
everything. Food stamps, Mastercard, Visa, fresh kill, you name it, they
take it, and even give you $20 extra if you need it. So I paid for my
purchases and got myself some cash to boot. Gotta love a country store lik=
that. I drove back to camp and crawled out of my toasty truck, grabbed my
six pack and my fake "wud" and sat down in my beach chair on my luxurious
Persian rug and grew my fire and drank my beers. All six of them. Then I
had to go. Dang, why didn=E2=80=99t I think of that?!?!? I had to go, lik=
e twelve
times. Ohh whine whine pooh! I had to undo eighteen things just to pee. =

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