[at-l] trail humor

[Jennifer Delia Sawyer <jdsawyer@bu.edu>]

A funny for your Tuesday.  BearBells will like the last one...


>Camping Hints
> -------------
> When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your
> picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.
>
> Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking
> his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.
>
> A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your
> feet warm.  A hot enchilada works almost as well, but
> the cheese sticks between your toes.
>
> The best backpacks are named for national parks or
> mountain ranges.  Steer clear of those named for landfills.
>
> While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years,
> the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded.
> Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.
>
> Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable
> campers to stay dry in a downpour.  Rain suits that sneeze,
> cough, and belch, however, have been proven to add
> absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience.
>
> Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter.
> Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.
>
> You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always
> grows on the north side of your compass.
>
> You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll
> by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.
>
> The canoe paddle, a simple device used to propel a boat,
> should never be confused with a gnu paddle, a similar
> device used by Tibetan veterinarians.
>
> When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt.  It gives
> you something to wipe your nose on.
>
> Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping:
> Shine a flashlight into one ear.  If the beam shines out the other ear, do
>not go into the woods alone.
>
>A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
>
> A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent
> side dish.  A potato baked in the coals for three hours
> makes an excellent hockey puck.
>
> In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness
> by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the
> elastic waistband of your underwear.
>
> The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite
> makes excellent kindling.
>
> The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for
> generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does
> absolutely nothing for the eagle.
>
> It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on
> a winding mountain road behind a large motor home.
>
> Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in
> grizzly country.  The tricky part is getting them on
> the bears.
>
>
>
>
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