[at-l] the Gathering - Part Two

[Datto <datto994@yahoo.com>]

Ah yes, way back in May of 1999 I had been bored out
of my mind one Saturday afternoon. I wrote into the
list asking which way the deer whistles were to be
placed on my backpack -- big hole facing forward or
backward -- if I wanted to attract the wildlife toward
me while hiking.

Chris Vreeland responded by suggesting that rather
than a deer whistle, I probably needed a Grunter. Whoa
did this begin a trip down the private email humor
path, particularly when I misstated and called it a
Groaner somewhere along the line. 

Well, it all died down for a while. But then in
September 1999 I received a package in the mail that
had a surprise in it for me. 

Yes, my very own In-Mouth Grunter/Bleater! Ha!

And this, folks, is the item one should not enter the
100 mile wilderness without. Why you ask? Because it
is easily an entire weekend worth of self-contained
entertainment. Heck, the directions themselves are
good for at least a days worth of entertainment alone.
I submit the following from the directions:

Step 5: "For use while exhaling, turn In-Mouth
Grunter/Bleater around and blow. Blowing harder causes
louder grunts." 

Whoa yeah, nellie...You got that right, believe me. If
this doesn't entertain you through the 100 mile
wilderness, you're lost for life and will never have
carnal thoughts again. Just don't go touchin' the
wildlife and getting frisky Chester. 

Anyhow, after playing with my grunt for almost an
entire weekend (Gee, where'd the time go?), I decided
I'd sound the grunt on any airplanes I'd be riding to
the Gathering. As a, you know...call to order I guess.
Here Ye, Hear Ye...the spirits are about to speak!

Leaving Fort Wayne (onnnn a jet plane, won't know when
he'll do grunts again) I got on the little tiny plane
and just gave the grunt a little suck. Quack. No big
deal. No one actually heard me. But of course, I was
cracking myself up laughing. All it took was that one
quack and presto, I'm a basket case of laughing again.
Those small planes are very noisy, particularly when
you're sitting next to the propeller where my seat was
located. So I quietly used the inhale method and
grunted, "Oh when the saints come marching in". Then I
was laughing uncontrollable again. What a fun airplane
ride to Indianapolis.  

But then, when I arrived in Indy and boarded a bigger
plane (a real jet), I wanted to get the blow method to
work when using the grunt. I had the inhale method
down pat (_your comment here_) and thought I had
successfully done the blow method once in the past.
But actually, I realized I had done the blow grunt
with an inhale (all the laughing had me confused I
think). I'd never actually gotten the blow use of the
grunt to work.

Now that I was on the big plane and in the air heading
toward the Gathering again, I got out the directions
for the In-Mouth Grunter/Bleater Model 1140 and read
them through end to end. Says turn the grunt around
and blow -- blow harder for a louder grunt. Okay, I
waited until the flight attendants were way up front
and then turned the grunt around in my mouth and blew.


Nothing. No grunt at all. Not a sound but the hissing
of the air coming out the other end of the grunt. Well
*my* grunt also came with six (count 'em) six
different grunt and bleat sounds. By moving this
O-ring doohicky up and down on the shaft the thing
would grunt in different pitches. I'm cracking myself
up just typing this right now. 

"Okay", I said on the plane, "I'm game". Maybe the
O-ring business has something to do with the thing not
working with the blowing method.

I moved the O-Ring up to the front of the shaft,
inserted the grunt into my mouth and blew.

Nothing. Still no grunt. Not even a quack. 

Hmmm...I've got a couple of college boy degrees and a
wall full of licenses and certifications. I should be
able to get this figured out. But then I thought maybe
I'd broken something when I was fooling around with
the grunt the previous weekend. Or maybe I wasn't
blowing hard enough. 

Still in the air and with the flight attendants still
way up front, I choked up a little with my mouth on
the grunt, took a deep breath and blew for all I was
worth!

B L E E E E T T !

Geez that was loud! About 20 people on the plane turn
to look at me. "Hi y'all" waving at them, showing them
the grunt/bleat. Probably violated several FAA Federal
regulations. 

I toned it down a little on the plane into
Philadelphia due to the looks from the other
passengers. No use arriving at the Gathering in
handcuffs. 

While heading to the last plane, the one that would
take me into Lebanon, New Hampshire, a woman with an
infant was struggling with suitcases and a large
stroller and a ton of other things a parent takes
along when traveling with an infant. I couldn't
believe how many airline employees and other people
just walked right by this woman who was struggling. So
I stopped and asked her if I could help. She looked so
relieved and we made it into the bus that would take
us to the outskirts of the airport so we could board
another tiny propeller driven airplane.

In the air, I talked to the woman most of the way
there and discovered she was the wife of the CEO of
Montrail (the boot company). Her husband was in
Hanover for a class reunion and she was heading there
to meet him. 

About that time, Hans (the infant -- such a cute
little boy) started getting a little cranky. Well of
course, I hadn't gotten the grunter/bleater out on
this particular airplane so I retrieved it from my
pocket and created mucho entertainment for Hans and
myself. I got the strangest look from Hans (as well as
the other passengers since I was sitting in Seat 1
right behind the pilot).

When we landed in Lebanon, New Hampshire her husband
was there to help with the bags and the stroller so I
said goodbye. 

The next day, at the AT-L meeting, I whipped out my
grunter and blew several grunts, groans and bleats for
the AT-L listers. Even took a request for
Inagadadavida (the long version). Sounded great to me!
Whadya other people think? Pretty dang talented, huh?

Datto

PS: Saturday night, I took the grunt with me when a
group of us went out on the town. Well, when I sucked
on the grunt and it went 'quack', RamBunny lost it
completely and snorted loudly while laughing. So, most
of the rest of the night we'd have a quack of the
grunt followed by a bunch of snorting. Give Me
Chocolate told her story about the smelt fish and
occasionally Ten Toes or Solar Bear would yell,
"Smelt!" and we begin the grunting and snorting
process again followed by more continuous laughing.
What a funny funny night! And no, we weren't asked to
leave either. Not from that place anyhow...

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