Re: [at-l] Relationships and the AT

[TOKTAADN@aol.com]

In a message dated 2/5/99, 9:31:51 AM, sdowns@premiertechnologies.com writes:
<<Does the goal-oriented, independent, adventuresome attitude that a would-be
thru-hiker acquires cause marital problems?
Or, does marital (or relationship) discord bring about these changes in a
person?>>

In my case -- I wouldn't want to generalize -- I, too, had a life threatening
event (broken neck) that caused me to reevaluate who I was and where I was
going.  That's when I found my love of hiking and the AT.  At the time I did
not expect my marriage to suffer although the changes in me were dramatic and
included an adventuresome spirit for an activity she could not share (health
problems).

I would not say that my would be thru-hiker attitude was the root cause of the
demise of my marriage, but the fact that our dreams diverged so greatly the
last few years certainly added to the stress in the relationship and was
definitely the incremental factor pushing it past the recoverable stage.

But in many ways this was a good thing, though I am suffering for it now.  I
was hanging on to a dysfunctional marriage for the sake of my child. I would
have toughed it out 4 more years until he went to college.  Nobody was
flourishing in that depressing situation.  Now each of the three of us has new
challenges and opportunities to embrace our futures instead of counting the
days until freedom.  I'm happy with the result, though serious challenges
remain.

I can just as easily imagine the reverse where the desperation of a failing
marriage would push someone to the AT as an escape mechanism.  But that was
not quite my experience.

Happy trails,

Solar Bear
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