[at-l] HIKE ANON SYMPTOMS LIST

[monadnockdee@juno.com (DEE C BOUCHER)]

> BTW...has anyone kept all these?  If so please post the list.
It 'needs' to be in my keeper file :^>

HERE'S WHAT I HAVE SO FAR


Hikers Anonymous Association. Symptoms of those
 who should join.

 1) A new hiking store opens and you have to go see what they have, even
 though you have 3 sets of every piece of camping equipment ever sold.
 2) A hiking or camping brochure arrives at work in the mail, and nothing
 seems to get done all morning until you've read it 3 times and
 highlighted new gizmos which youre sure you dont have.
 3) when you walk into a hiking or camping store your teen age son or
 daughter demands to hold onto your wallet and credit card until you are
 safely out of the store and on the way home.
 4) Your kitchen has salamis drying all year hanging from the ceiling
 just in case you get an opportunity to catch a quick 2-3 day hike and
 need ready access to dried meat.
 5) your closets and freezer are full of dehydrated food
 6) you eat your cereal at home with powdered milk
 7) You rush home every nite from work to read ATML or ATL or PCTL
    8) You see, and confront, and FAIL to resolve the contradictory urges

     to acquire new gadgets and gear yet keep them out of your pack to
keep 
     from exceeding X% of your body weight. (SaraSW VCAT)
     
     9) Pack manufacturers got "Caller I.D." just so they could know you 
     were calling, and ignore you.
     
     10) While on the trail, even in conversation with other people, you 
     refer to yourself in the third person.
     
     11) While in a highrise building's staircase, you can't climb up 
     without wondering and comparing what it would look like if the 
     staircase were unfolded and stretched along some ridge somewhere.
     
     12) If rainy mornings leave you fearful of being wet and cold all
day, even though your home or workplace is in a walled structure.
     
     13) If, once wetted by rain in a non-hiking environment, your first
thought is to reach for a comforting handful of gorp.
     
     14) If extreme weather conditions of any sort instill curiousity
about the current conditions on top of Mt _______.
     
     15) If word association tests of the phrase "2 miles" prompt the 
answer "1 hour."
     
     16) If you screen someone's personal attractiveness based on your
estimate of how they'd look in a leanto in the morning.
     
     17) If you refer to even a single piece of hiking gear with a proper
 name, such as "Betsy," "Maybell," "Mack," or "Bill."
     
     18) If you have ever gone to a cocktail party and used the phrase 
"Yeah, but what's your trailname?"
     
     19) If you remain incredulous that EVERYONE is not a member of The
Clean Plate Club.
     
     20) If you consider a hot shower to be a quasi-religious activity.

21) When it rains, even though you are at work, you want to drive home,
immediately
put on your gore tex jacket and see if it really will keep you dry in a
pouring
downpore that goes on for 5 hours.

22) same with your new tent

23) you have an entire wardrobe of nylon shirts and pants, even though
you only take
1 with you when you hike

24) you have more backpacks than underwear

25) you weat thurlo socks to the office


26. If the walls of your cubical are totally obscured with hiking
pictures, articles about hiking, maps, etc.

27. If you know the distances between shelters, road crossings etc on
"you" section of the Trail.

28. If you refer to a trail location as "my section," or my "overlook,"
or "my campsite," etc.

29.When you are eating with friends (non hikers) and suddenly all is
silent except for the noise that you are making as you scrape every
fragment of barley from the soup bowl....and everyone is staring at you.
And you
are reeeeaaly glad you came to your senses before you start to lick the
bowl.

30. You are prone to storing your spoon in your mouth between courses.

31. You repeatedly drive off the side of the road because you are looking
at the ridges and thinking 'what a hell of a climb that gap would be'

32. You return from the grocery store all aglow because you found a new
line of  'meals in a bag'.

33. You fondle gear....even if it isn't yours.
 

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