[at-l] Report from the Village of Delaware Water Gap

[kahley7 <kahley7@ptd.net>]

And the DWG saga continues....Yippee!!!!



The following hikers have passed through the Village of Delaware Water
Gap
this week:  they are flowing down from the Mt. Minsi Overlook like a
stream
of ratty war-torn refugees from some African tribal dispute spouting
Voodoo
and horror stories.

(Just think....there's a cute story that goes with every one of these
TRAILNAMES).

Ichthus, Sloth, Hellfire, Thane of Gilliam
Red Dog, Jonal, Orange Slice, PezBoy, Skippy,
Bean, Laurel and Hardy, Bubbles, Mighty Wind,
3NoTrump, Sole Spoken, Fish, Singing Coyote, Lemon Drop
Dream, TSolo, Casper, Gilligan, Pat-don't ask me again, Mac&Cheese,
Stubbs, SLTman, Reboot, Lord Cruiser, Full Goose, Duster,
Whitedove, Wondering Willie, Swiss Miss, Stickman, 3Bears.
And
And
And
BEORN.

Rumors spread out across the valley like blood on a Reno poker table,
the
great infamous BEORN was headed our way, the greatest loon-ball since
the
retirement of OL DUCT TAPE.  He passed through while I had my back
turned,
and I never saw him.  I have many fond memories of hiking with
Beorn....he
DOES hike....but only between yellow-blazing excursions to the next
AYCE....where he can devastate a cafe's budget for the whole week.  I
know
he has many detractors....snobs mostly...who think he should
retire...but he
is a unique individual..A Vet....a breath of fresh air.  The biggest
news
about BEORN is that he has quit drinking...sober for 13 months...and
lost
weight.  The bar keepers weep...the VFW will never be the same.  I'm
really
sorry I missed him.  I was told that he was down to his last $17, but
was
putting together an investment pot among sympathetic hikers for a side
trip
to Atlantic City -where he would surly make a killing.

Mostly hikers head over to the Post Office, which for the month of
July will
look like a mountain of small boxes with an American Flag poking out
the
top.  I'm not even sure they handle first-class letters during
July...just
hiker boxes.  The Postmistress has the biceps of weight lifter and can
toss
a hiker box like a young Joe Namath in the Superbowl.  It's kinda like
a
Christmas event...sitting there under the trees on Main
Street.....opening
boxes of-- "stuff I thought I needed back home in Albuquerque."  One
hiker
had four pounds of peanut butter --"God, ..what was I thinking?" 
Another
complained that his mom had left out all the dinners...."I told her to
leave
out the dinners of the LAST box....I had too many...now she leaves out
ALL
the dinners ALL THE TIME..."what a nitwit!..."  Another hiker had sent
film
home for developing and then had it sent back so she could review how
she
looked back in Harper's Ferry.  "Want to see some pictures?  Here I am
in
Harper's Ferry at the ATC center...here I am at the
overlook....standing on
a cliff in the fog....see that little black spot....it's a bear
running
away.  What's this one?   "Well, ...I had one shot left on the roll...
so I
took this one....
"Ever see a photograph of a blister that looks like that?"

I spoke to a couple of hikers about Nude Hiking Day.  One guy said
that he
had thought it over for several days..."two weeks"... and decided that
even
though he was "way too shy" to hike nude, he would only be thru-hiking
"one
time", and wanted to get the "full experience", and since it was part
of
"the trail history and culture", and it was a "harmless stunt", and
"everybody else" would have their stories to tell, so therefore he
decided
to hike nude for exactly one hour..."what could happen in 60 short
minutes?"
At the 41st minute he rounded the corner of the trail and stepped 
into the
middle of a girl scout troop picnic ...they scattered like a flock of
wild
turkeys and he jabbed himself in the foot with a Leki trying to get
his
shorts on.

Another told the story of a weekender, a "suite and tie type", from
Philadelphia, who had come out to the AT specifically to hike nude for
the
day.  This happy swinger parked his car near a side trail and took off
his
clothes and headed up to the AT.  He arrived at Smith shelter
exhausted and
feeling a pink sunburn in all the wrong places.  He collapsed in the
back
corner of the shelter to collect his wits and rethink his future and
to
wonder if a guy nutty enough to do this nude hiking thing really had a
future...."what was I THINKING?"  ...and so forth.  While sitting
there "in
brooding mode" a father/son hiking team came up and sat down on the
front
edge of the shelter...not really noticing the guy in the back.  When
the
PHILADELPHIA NUDE got up to start back, it so startled and alarmed the
father, that the father started backing up and tripped and fell
backward
into the fire pit....getting an awful black smudge of soot and
charcoal on
his new forest green Patagonia Baggies. ($45).

Unlike New York City, where there are "seven million stories to tell",
we
here in Water Gap have 20-30 good stories hike through the Village
every
day.  YOU were a good story when YOU thru-hiked. YOU will BE a good
story
when you pass through here in 1999 or 2000.  The guy at the hardware
story
has good stories from thru-hiking in 86, the guy at the EMS at the
mall 40
miles away has good stories from 79.  When they close the casket lid,
and it
all becomes black dark, and sound is lost forever...MR. ED will
probably be
thinking...."hey.. wait....I wanted to tell you about the guy who was
baptized with his Leki's."
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