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Re: [at-l] Warning: Long question - delete as needed.

At 12:08 AM 5/22/98 -0400, DaRedhead wrote:
>Well - I am proud of mom and I's decision to thru hike.  But the question (or
>accusation, as it may be) arose - how can I leave my baby?... 
>I LOVE my baby, as I do my
>teenagers.  My teens understand.  My baby will have the love of daddy, sissy,
>and brother, plus numerous relatives AND see me frequently as I hike.  What is
>the general consensus here?  Am I being selfish? 

The decision to hike is a selfish decision. You have to make a choice, and you
have challenging options and loyalties. You are not abandoning your family, but
your family is undergoing numerous stresses and conflicts as a result of the
divorce (regardless of how good a parent either of you are). Your teenagers
understand only to a degree, and are probably as conflicted as you whether to
encourage or discourage your hike.

>.... Is she too young?  Should I
>wait (and maybe never get to do this . . . or at least not with mom) ???   You
>don't have to clog up the list with this subject - it is techniquely but not
>strictly Trail related.  But I would like some opinions.  I have been happily
>sailing thru the days since our decision - and now I am being told its
>selfish, and wrong.  Is it?  A moral decision at best . . . but I have great
>respect for the morals of the people on this list . . .


Selfish and wrong are not the same. Any decision you make will be ultimately
selfish, and ultimately questionable to someone. The fact that you are
ambivalent is good.

I would encourage to you slow down a little bit, and consider spending a bit of
time and money with a psychiatrist or other therapist to review how you and
your kids are doing. I think you will gain more information to make a
reasonable and confident decision. This is not the type of decision to relegate
to a "Dr. Laura" type, but needs appreciation of the issues for all the people
involved. 

This is part of the hike and the journey. No one but no one comes out of this
experience the same. Not necessarily better or worse, but different. You will
not be the same mother after entering the hike, hence you are deciding to take
something familiar from your family. You should also consider what you will
return to them and yourself.

Bill Thorneloe
Atlanta, GA 
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