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[at-l] Warning: Long question - delete as needed.

Well - I am proud of mom and I's decision to thru hike.  But the question (or
accusation, as it may be) arose - how can I leave my baby?  Well - my "baby"
will be four.  Young, I know.  But I also have a husband (soon to be ex) who
while, a really rotten husband, is a great daddy.  He is more than willing
(begging, in fact) to keep her while I'm gone AND to bring her to see me as
frequently as possible while I'm on the Trail.  I was told (or it was
insinuated in no uncertain terms) that the "next generation is more important
than the last" when explaining that I am happy (doesn't even come close to
describing) that mom lived thru this whole cancer thing, and ecstatic that her
and I will have this opportunity to do this together (the thru hike,
obviously).  I brought up the fact that childrent of soldiers (be they navy,
etc, but my experience was with the Navy) frequently do without their mother
or father for 6 months at a time, usually every few years.  I was told "that
was not their choice, they had to" and given the whole "my moms life was more
important than mine, she didn't love me, I hate her to this day" song.  Now, I
just went out and got my son a tux for his prom.  I didn't have the money.
(thanks, mom) but his girlfriend was going all out with the dress thing, this
was his first prom, he made honor role this year, and I felt like, what he
wanted was more important than, can I have a pepsi a day for the next month.
My kids ALWAYS come first, as I ALWAYS did with mom.  Am I wrong to want to
thru hike with her?  I almost lost her, and there are still no guarantees.  I
want to share this with her.  I love my baby beyond all else, and cherish
every minute I can spend with her.  But I think she will understand, if not
now, then later.  Mom (sorry mom, I must share this) is afraid that maybe the
cancer will reoccur, that if we wait for the original thru hike date, maybe
that will be too late.  So we are making plans for an earlier one.  Now I am
left to feel guilty (yes, I know, one opinion shouldn't make me feel that way,
but still) and wondering if I am making the right decision.  I am all for the
"next" generation, especially when we're talking about my very own children.
I know mom is too.  But I want this time with mom too . . . and if I wait, in
simple terms, it may be too late.  It may not, and she may live cancer free
for the next 50 years. But . . .what if not?  I LOVE my baby, as I do my
teenagers.  My teens understand.  My baby will have the love of daddy, sissy,
and brother, plus numerous relatives AND see me frequently as I hike.  What is
the general consensus here?  Am I being selfish?  Is she too young?  Should I
wait (and maybe never get to do this . . . or at least not with mom) ???   You
don't have to clog up the list with this subject - it is techniquely but not
strictly Trail related.  But I would like some opinions.  I have been happily
sailing thru the days since our decision - and now I am being told its
selfish, and wrong.  Is it?  A moral decision at best . . . but I have great
respect for the morals of the people on this list . . .

The Redhead
Ga> Me  00 
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