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[at-l] philosophy part 2

I'm glad the question has come up, because it has brought a lot of really
interesting answers.  I wrote one side of the argument earlier - but I have
kept thinking about it and wanted to share a few more thoughts. 

We have been running into a lot of flack from family and friends lately
about our doing the CDT thruhike.  It is too long and too difficult and too
dangerous, they say.  Even people who are long distance hikers tell us it
is too difficult to do in one season - especially since we're not young
speed hikers. It's not the AT, we're told. (No kidding!)  At the same time,
I am facing my fears of extreme change.  Starting over.  Giving up my home,
risking unemployment after the hike, maybe a crosscountry move, losing the
connections I have made in the past few years, etc.  Plus there are all the
difficulties that are inherent in long distance hiking.

At the same time, the CDT is something I HAVE to do - for me, for us.  I
have tried to figure out why, and I come up with a lot of reasons-- like
needing a big challenge, my love of wilderness, my desire for growth,  to
explore more of the world, to be surrounded by beauty, to experience the
western desert and mountains in depth, etc.  It seems to comes down to the
fact that life is short.  I want to live it as fully as I can.  Life on the
trail is intense and out there I am fully alive.  There are few
distractions from the things that matter.   In six months you live six
years worth.  It fills needs in me that life in the city can't touch.
Also, I need to have a dream - and this is the one at the moment that keeps
me going.  Somehow one or two weeks of  vacation just doesn't satisfy the
need for long distance hiking - it just makes me want more. 

At the same time, I don't think I could do it if Jim were not with me.
Because as important as doing the thruhike is, our relationship is more
important.  His absence would leave a hole that all the beauty in the world
couldn't fill.  I also know that it would hurt him immeasurably to have to
wait and watch, though I know he would send me off with a smile if it were
truly necessary.   He would let me go, but because of that, I couldn't go.
At the same time, it would hurt me to stay, because this is something I
have come to want too much.  Fortunately, the problem doesn't arise.  We
may have to wait a couple of years longer than we would like, but we will
go -- together.

Even more I fear Life getting in the way, and preventing us from realizing
this dream.  With aging parents and a body that is also not getting any
younger, there is always the possibility that two years could become never.
  Giving up the dream would really hurt.  If we were to wait until a normal
retirement age - who knows whether we will still be able to hike?
Especially something as demanding as the CDT?  So we have to go as soon as
it becomes possible.  (Unfortunately, not until 1999.) 

Someone on the list said it well - if you don't want the hike with all your
heart, then don't do it.  But if you do - then don't let this chance pass
you by.  It may not come again.

Ginny "Spiritwalker" Owen

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