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[at-l] Peace and consequences

I think I can announce the cessation of hostilities and the
establishment of peace in our time.  At least on at-l.
Both Michael and Peter have contacted me and whatever
else needs to be said about these subjects will be handled
offline in a much friendlier exchange.

There were a lot of you who supported us last week and I
thank you for that - and there were those who had other
opinions.  On that subject - there was no intent on my part
to silence other opinions on any subject.  But  if I perceive
something to be dangerous, I will express my opinion.
That's basically all I tried to do last week with regard
to - dare I say the word? - umbrellas.

And now I'm gonna get philosophical again - For some of
you, that means execise your Delete key.

When I first got on at-l about 18 months ago, I started a
discussion that got a little warm.  Some of you might
remember it.  At that time, Daniel Berlinger called me
on something that he called "tone".   I learned from Daniel
and if he's still out there I'd like to publicly thank him for
making me think about that.  Unfortunately, last week I
seem to have forgotten some of that lesson and slipped
back into a "tone"  in my posts that I'm not necessarily
proud of.  While I won't apologize for the content  --- I
humbly and most sincerely apologize to the list for the
"tone" of my posts last week.

At one time in my life, I was taught that if I walked away
from a situation and didn't feel good about it, then I hadn't
done what I needed to do and I needed to take a long look
at what I'd done - and learn to do it better.   When I went
home on Thursday night I was depressed to the point of
tears.  And for half a century tears have been reserved
for the very lowest points in my life - the death of a
comrade in battle, the deaths of my parents, the demise
of my first marriage and the loss of my children.  Peter's
post Friday morning just highlighted my feelings - and
Ginny's.  By Friday night, both of us were very close
to leaving the list.

Last week raised major questions as to why I'm on this
list, and it took a lot of talking and thought over the
weekend to answer those questions.  In fact, it wasn't
until late Sunday afternoon while I was struggling up
a hill in PA that I knew that I'd stay on the list.  At
one time I posted something that's been a guiding
force in my life.   Here it is again :

How do you follow the Way ?
        - Go where you are sent
        - Wait till you are shown what to do.
        - Do it with the whole self.
        - Remain till you have done what you were sent to do.
        - Walk away with empty hands.

This is what convinced me a little over a year ago to stay on
the list.  It's what's kept me on the list and allowed me to
share whatever it is that I've shared with you. It's demanded
that I share my experience and feelings and knowledge
without hope or expectation of return.  And it's left me
vulnerable in ways that I would never have allowed 5 or 10
years ago.   Sometimes I look back at who I was 5 or 10
years ago and wonder who that person was - and what
I'll become in the future.

There has been an unexpected return of sorts for me, because
except for Ginny and my brother, I have no real family and
this list has, to some degree, become my extended family.
Leaving the list would be - and at some future time, will
be - the emotionalequivalent of losing my family again.
It won't be easy, but I will survive - again.

There is also the fact that the Way demands that I stay until
my purpose is accomplished - and leaving prematurely would
displease the God that I live with.   Somehow I don't think
my purpose here is finished yet, but  I know it will be finished
sometime in the next 766 days because both Ginny & I already
know that our next "assignment" is to hike another long trail,
and another - and .......

So - until my purpose here is accomplished, whether that be
next week or two years from now, y'all are stuck with me
as a resident loudmouth thruhiker.

For those who have gotten this far without hitting the Delete
button - Peter asked what turned out to be some legitimate
questions even though the "tone" of his post left something
to be desired.  And they're questions that I periodically need
to pull out and dust off and examine carefully.   But - por favor -
whoever asks them next time - try to do so without flames.

Walk softly,
Jim










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