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[at-l] For Bob From The Bamaman



Since Bob aka deer@epix.net is such a devoted follower of Bamism:

Washington, D.C. January 30, 1997

                JANET RENO ISSUES HIKER REGULATIONS

        Attorney General Janet Reno uncharacteristically outfitted in
Patagonia's Spring '97 line of khaki climbing wear specially designed for
the big and tall woman (special thanks to Murray Schwartz of Murray's Big
and Tall Shop conveniently located on the second floor of Marcel's New-2-U
House of Medical Supplies on 53rd Massachusetts Avenue NW) today announced
that effective April 1, 1997 the following Federal Hiking Regulations will
go into effect:

        CFR 1467.12 subparagraph 12 b (2) reads in pertinent part:

     A) Solicitation of Rednecks

        It shall be prohibited for any hiker to knowingly, recklessly or
negligently solicit for a ride or otherwise any person known to be a
redneck, believed to be a redneck or who is otherwise believed to frequent
redneck establishments including but not limited to any eating establishment
ending in the words "bar-b-que" or anyone who shall possess any prepackaged
food items bearing the label, or facsimile thereof, with the words
"hungryman entree's" or anyone possessing any combination of beans, bar and
chain oil, keystone ten packs, and the current month's issue of "Inside the
Barnyard."    


        B) Possession of Redneck Paraphenalia

        It shall be prohibited for any hiker to knowingly, intentionally or
recklessly possess any of the following items:

        1)  Any wallet attached to a chain together with any model "buck"
knife with a blade of 6 inches or greater in any simulated leather-look
sheath attached to any belt with a buckle greater than 6 inches in diameter
or any buckle with a confederate flag.

        2)  Any combination of bottled animal scent, bird or animal calls
and autographed pictures of Richard Jewell.


        CFR 348.3  Emergency Implementation "In re Easton Tent Pegs"

        It shall be a felony punishable by a fine of not less than $1,000
and a period of incarceration of no less than 48 hours to:

        Intentionally, knowingly or recklessly remove or cause to be removed
the little loop attached to the top of Easton Tent Pegs.

        Attorney General Reno was joined at the noontime press conference by
Erwin, TN mayor Billy Ray "lefty" Anderson and Mrs. Florence Smith
representing the NRA and MATH (mothers against thru hikers,  Shady Valley,
TN chapter) and Reginald B. Easton, CEO Easton Manufacturing who held up a
photo of Kathy Lee Gifford next to Ajinka the young honduran girl whose
family is supported by her work of affixing the little loop ties to each
Easton tent Peg.

The Bamaman <correct sp>  AT '81  
David S. Severance
sevy@kezarlaw.com
Visit the Ossipee Mountain News Hiking Page at:
http://www.conknet.com/~d_severance

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