[at-l] tolerance

[carol1944 at brmemc.net (Carol Donaldson)]

JBullard:  There is a strong tendency to be unnecessarily confrontational in today's 
political/social climate. I think we all need to step back a bit from our 
self-righteousness and be a tad more understanding and diplomatic than is 
the norm these days. The old saying "you can attract more flies with sugar 
than vinegar" is still true. There is a difference between be assertive and 
being aggressive. You should aim for the former and avoid the latter.
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True, but don't you also agree that some people wear their emotions on their shoulders and get upset with no real cause?  Others are too dense to get upset and keep repeating the same mis-judgments continually -- that's true boorishness in my diary.  

One person's assertiveness may be another person's aggressiveness.

Let's go back to your situation with the hikers -- say your hiking companion was 'kind' (as we women are so trained or WERE trained by our grandmothers) and casually told the other unprepared hikers in a gentle miss-manner's way (why do I hear Michael Jackson's voice in my head when I think 'gentle miss-manner's way'?) that the weather at the top of the mountain is rather "brisk" and then walked on.  The next day you find out that those same unprepared hikers got hypothermia and one died as a result of being unprepared??  THEN how would you feel about your friend?  "You SHOULD have given them "the lecture" on preparedness.  YOU were too kind to them.  I SHOULD have said something.  I COULD have prevented a death.  Oh why wasn't I more aggressive?"

Each of us has our own personality and each of us has our own "personality receptors."  If someone gets offended easily who's real problem is that?   I figure you either talk it over or one of you assesses the value of the friendship and then decides if you want to maintain it or not.  The key word is maintain.  It's not free and it's not easy.

My best friend sometimes drives me batty with her OCD.  I overlook it.  I drive her batty with my "type B" personality.  She overlooks it.  The cost of this friendship is high.  But the rewards are just as valuable.  I'm off to her house in a few minutes for a good cup of coffee made with mountain well water from her well.  mmmmmmgood.

Coosa 
I say assertive, you say aggressive, and I'll get to Scotland before 'ye' - - - (sorry, not sung in a MJackson voice).