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[at-l] Monday Humor



Some Camping Tips . . . . by Bruce Cochran
- When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep
the campsites on either side vacant.
- Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump
apart and eating all the ants.
- Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking them over an 
open
fire.
- When smoking a fish, never inhale.
- A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot
enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.
- The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges.
- Steer clear of parks named for landfills.
- While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife
has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe 
paddle.
- Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to stay dry 
in
a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch, however, have been 
proven
to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience.
- Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from
navel before applying the match.
- You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a
plastic garbage bag with several geese.
- You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping bag by running over
it with your car.
- Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a
flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into
the woods alone.
- A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
- A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish.
- A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
- In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small
game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.
- The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent 
kindling.
- A large carp can be used for a pillow.
- Check the washing instructions before purchasing any apparel to be warn
camping. Buy only those that read "Beat on a rock in stream."
- The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The sight 
of a
bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.
- It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain 
road
behind a large motor home.
- Effective January 1, 1998, you will actually have to enlist in the Swiss 
Army
to get a Swiss Army Knife.
- Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country. The
tricky part is getting them on the bears. 

>From the Sept.  96 issue of Backpacker