[at-l] OT - Tuesday morning humor

[bradleybishop at sbcglobal.net (Bradley M. Bishop)]

Off-Topic...delete if you are not looking for some Tuesday morning humor. 
BB
 
Why did the chicken cross the road?
 
JOHN KERRY 
    I voted to support the chicken crossing the road before I voted against the 
    chicken. I do not believe the chicken should have crossed the road without 
    the support of the French, Germans, and United Nations. Did I mention I 
    have three Purple Hearts? 
    
    GEORGE W. BUSH 
    We don't need to know why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to 
    know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is 
    either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here. 
    
    COLIN POWELL 
    Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of 
    the chicken crossing the road. 
    
    HANS BLIX 
    We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been 
    allowed to have access to the other side of the road. 
    
    RALPH NADER 
    The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by 
    unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat 
    on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a 
    gas-guzzling SUV. 
    
    PAT BUCHANAN 
    To steal the job of a decent, hard-working American. 
    
    RUSH LIMBAUGH 
    I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting 
    a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there 
    is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road 
    syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans 
    take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I 
    say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took 
    from you to build a road for chickens to cross. 
    
    MARTHA STEWART 
    No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a 
    standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price 
    dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. 
    
    
    JERRY FALWELL 
    Because the chicken was gay --- isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the 
    plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other 
    side." That's what they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that 
    chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say 
    we Boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal 
    media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." 
    
    DR SEUSS 
    Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the 
    chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told. 
    
    ERNEST HEMINGWAY 
    To die in the rain. Alone. 
    
    MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR 
    I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without 
    having their motives called into question. 
    
    GRANDPA 
    In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us 
    the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough. 
    
    BARBARA WALTERS 
    Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the 
    chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it 
    experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life 
    long dream of crossing the road. 
    
    JOHN LENNON 
    Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace. 
    
    ARISTOTLE 
    It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. 
    
    KARL MARX 
    It was an historic inevitability. 
    
    CAPTAIN KIRK 
    To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before. 
    
    SIGMUND FREUD 
    The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road 
    reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. 
    
    BILL GATES 
    I have just witnessed eChicken2004, which will not only cross roads, but 
    will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook 
    and internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken. 
    
    ALBERT EINSTEIN 
    Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the 
    chicken? 
    
    BILL CLINTON 
    I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of 
    chicken? 
    
    AL GORE 
    I invented the chicken! 
    
    THE BIBLE 
    And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU SHALT 
    CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken did cross the road, and there was much 
    rejoicing. 
    
    COLONEL SANDERS 
    Did I miss one?