[at-l] Monday Humor

[bradleybishop at sbcglobal.net (Bradley M. Bishop)]

For the GRITS, Southerners, and other rednecks on the list...
 
We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of them. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends.


You might be a redneck if. . . 

It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God. .. ." 

You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places. 

You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival." 

You bow your head when someone prays. 

You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem. 

You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have. 

You've never burned an American flag. 

You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening. 

You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same. 

You'd give your last dollar to a friend. 



Bror8588@aol.com wrote:




Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer:

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness to the stand -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He
approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've know you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me.

You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about
them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't
the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a
two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.

The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?

"She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking
problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he
cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your
wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died. 

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very
quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks that bitch if she
knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."

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