[at-l] (no subject)

[stephensadams at hotmail.com (Steve Adams)]

OT - Humor - An eBay auction offering.

Date: Wed, 27 Oct 2004 17:18:26 -0400
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(I have eliminated administrative stuff.)

2 invitations to a wedding I don't want to go to.  Item number: 5527273221

Bidding has ended for this item.  The seller ended this listing early 
because the item is no longer available for sale.

Starting bid 	£20.00
Item location:  United Kingdom /Aberdeen

Item Specifics

I've been invited to the wedding of a mate of mine who I used to know really 
well until he started going out with the girl he's going to marry. She's a 
dog. No really. I haven't seen them since I told her she's a dog over two 
years ago. They've stupidly invited me to their wedding, but I don't want to 
go. It's an invite to me '+plus 1" and involves the afternoon reception (a 
sit down meal in a 4 star restaurant) and evening piss up (a bus will carry 
you there, and drag you to the nearest b&b or trainstation after. Should be 
a good day out. All in all I reckon there's a good £150 worth of 
entertainment if you time it right. No one will know you're not me except 
the groom and he'll be so pissed trying to forget his new wife's a dog he 
won't notice. The only thing is, because she's such a dog, they might not 
get married, so I reserve the right to cancel the bidding.

On 16-Oct-04 at 08:59:59 BST, seller added the following information:

Since listing the tickets I've been contacted by quite a few people who 
think they're going to the same wedding. As it happens, 3 of you are and 
want to sell your tickets too. So this auction is now for 5 tickets to the 
wedding of a mate to a dog that we don't want to go to. Getting five of you 
into a wedding might be a bit of a gamble, so I'll keep the buy it now price 
the same, but you're now looking at at least £400 worth of free booze, good 
food. Even if you have to listen to her dad do karaoke, and watch her mum 
try to get off with the ushers.

On 18-Oct-04 at 11:50:06 BST, seller added the following information:

For those who've been asking, I can email photo's of the invite. I didn't 
want to post them as I thought the pink feather trmming might make it a bit 
too obvious which wedding I'm talking about. Suffice to say they play a 
pretty good version of 'livin' la vida loca' when opened.

On 19-Oct-04 at 15:29:39 BST, seller added the following information:

I'm getting a lot of questions, so thanks to everyone who's expressed an 
interest. Unfortunately I'm going to have to dissappoint most of you by 
telling you that the bridesmaids are likely to be dogs too. I know, it's a 
marital travesty. The bride's best mate works in a chippy in Colchester, and 
they always used to go boozing in Stoke with her aunt who I seem to remember 
had a penchant for DKNY tracksuits, Pineapple Bacardi Breezers and cafe 
creme. Now, on the basis there's a 100% certainty that at least one of them 
is a bridesmaid, there's not a lot of optimisim I can inject, is there? That 
and the fact that I've heard that 2 of the ushers are now trying to sell 
their tickets on loot having had the tip off about her mother.

On 21-Oct-04 at 13:41:46 BST, seller added the following information:

Blimey - it's all gone a bit Frey Bentos here hasn't it. I only popped out 
to Petsmart to get the winning bidder a present to take, and I've come back 
to about a billion questions. Haven't got the time to answer them all but 
most common ones are: Yes there is a dress code - anything in satin by FILA 
or UMBRO. Men can substitue ties for big jewellery. Yes the ladies must wear 
hats - baseball caps or beanies. There's no vegetarian option, although 
Pedigree Dry may very well be a starter. No, bidding does not include return 
fare to Brisbane. No, the invite will not get you into the bridal suite. YOU 
WOULDN'T WANT TO. REALLY. No, I won't marry you. Thanks though. No, I'm not 
a misogynist, and yes, I do feel guilty... ...but she really really really 
is a dog. Yes there's much more to this story, but not enough room here. Any 
publishers out there?

On 21-Oct-04 at 15:17:06 BST, seller added the following information:

eBay have advised me that the current bid may not be genuine. I think 300 
grand to go to the wedding of someone you've never met is pretty resonable, 
but they've advised me to do the pre-approved bidders thing. So sorry kids, 
but could bidders kindly email me and get pre-approved. Not my idea. 
promise. good luck.

On 22-Oct-04 at 09:44:25 BST, seller added the following information:

Most of you have hit the nail on the head, you know. I still love the old 
dog, despite what she did to me. And, thanks to the Colchester Massiv?s 
?Honk if you?re Twinklydog?s Dog? campaign, she got in touch this morning 
and we?ve had a good chat. It?s a bit of a gamble, but I?m going to pull the 
auction, go to Aberdeen and see whether she?ll put a stop to this sham of a 
wedding and marry me instead. Hope you understand. The cab?s outside, I?ve 
got to go.

Questions from buyers:

Q: Don't you feel even the tiniest bit guilty for what you're doing, for his 
sake more than anyone else's? Imagine if a psychopath bids and buys the 
invitation from you and turns up at YOUR mate's wedding on what is supposed 
to be the best day of his life? 	Answered on 21-Oct-04
A: You know, you're absolutely right. Although if faced by a psycopath, I'd 
rather be behind a dog than not. So, if you think about it, he may end up 
being safer for his choice of bride, you know.

Q: Thank you for the best laugh in a long time, you've made another 
pointless night shift in Basra worthwhile 	Answered on 21-Oct-04
A: Wahey! Thanks for calling in mister.

Q: they gonna have cheese and pineapple on sticks? I love them i do.. I'll 
bid big time if they have cheese and pineaple on sticks.. can you find out 
if theres gonna me a buffett.. I will travel for cheese and pinapple on 
sticks. I dont wanna do much else, no dancing, no bridesmaids, just wanna 
know if theres cheese and pineapple on sticks. The last wedding i went to 
had cheese and pineapple on sticks. It was a big foil covered vegitable or 
somthign that had all the sticks pushed in it. It was big and it looked like 
a cheese and pineapple hedgehog, i took photos of it which i have at home 
and i didnt let anyone touch it till the end of the evening when i stood at 
the door and have everyone a "spine" as they left. I didnt give any to the 
kids though, they really dont need to know about cheese and pineapple 
	Answered on 21-Oct-04
A: yes.

Q: we have a mate who too is going to marry a dog but not till next Aug! 
Would you consider a swap!! the weddings in Bristol! 	Answered on 21-Oct-04
A: Now I'm not against the idea of going to the wedding of people you don't 
know; on the contrary, I'm all for it. In fact I hear it's the latest rage 
and all sorts of celebrities are having a go, but no.

Q: Surely this is some type of scam; just how real is this sale? Other than 
that, it must be a secret invite to a very special celebrity wedding of the 
year and this whole thing is a big media stunt. 	Answered on 21-Oct-04
A: Let's just say Hello magazine have had the tip-off. Nah, just kidding. Or 
am I..... ?

Q: Oh, OK, I am too old for you anyway. Will you marry my daughter? Wait, 
she is married. I will just adopt you. :) Thanks. :) 	Answered on 21-Oct-04
A: Excellent. And just before Christmas too. Thanks mum.

Q: Will there be any white lightning cider available and are we allowed to 
throw cakes instead of confetti? Will the food be from Kwik save? Otherwise 
i'm not interested. Answered on 21-Oct-04
A: Yes. Excellent.

Q: Please can you email me photo of the invite.... Obviously I need date and 
venue before I can go. Thanks 	Answered on 21-Oct-04
A: You need a new eBay name. Blimey.

Q: Phil, Is this you? What's it all about? Kate 	Answered on 21-Oct-04
A: Kate, I'm sorry you had to find out how I really feel like this.... Ah 
just kidding, I'm not Phil.

Q: Hi, I'm a typing Chihuahua and very interested in this specific offer. 
Would the dog in question be too big for a little chap like me. I am well 
hung for my size, circa 7" (most fellow poochies call me the "Cha-WOW-WAH". 
Would I sincerely be big enough or would it be like a hot dog (no pun 
intended)rattling around in a tin ??? Yours woofingly. Chi "WOW-WAH" 
	Answered on 21-Oct-04
A: You'll do just fine.

Q: What does "Blimey - it's all gone a bit Frey Bentos here hasn't it?" 
mean? Alot of my friends have been reading about your auction and wanted to 
know what it means? thanks 	Answered on 21-Oct-04
A: It means 'it's all gone a bit flat pie baked in a tin' around here.

Q: I have bought many unusual off e bay, This one intreges me. Can you give 
me a goood reason why i should bid for this item? 	Answered on 21-Oct-04
A: Not a goood one, no. You got me.

Q: so - youve been in all the papers today - has anyone contacted you about 
the movie rights?? 	Answered on 21-Oct-04
A: I know you're joking, and I know there's a general feeling of fun and 
humour for you about all of this but this story's got enough heart ache and 
drama to make an epic. And if we do get Brian Blessed to agree to play 
her... my my, it could be special.

Q: intrigued if the taxi journey was a success? Or is the ticket is still 
for sale? 	Answered on 23-Oct-04
A: I'm here. Bit early to say what's going on at the moment. The mother's 
horrified (mostly at the ushers having bottled it, I think) but it sounds as 
though her Dad's got signed with Polydor, which is a bonus. I'll pop 
something up at www.twinklydog.net when she's made up her mind. Perhaps 
there will yet be cheese and pineapple on sticks. Thanks a lot.

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