[at-l] Tennessee

[jsmith at wate.com (James N. Smith)]

If anyone on the list needs a translation, let me know. I'm pretty well versed in several Suthun dialects, including Tinnussean.

_____________________________________________________
-jns

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
- Steven Wright



-----Original Message-----
From: at-l-bounces@backcountry.net
[mailto:at-l-bounces@backcountry.net]On Behalf Of GoVolsKelly@aol.com
Sent: Wednesday, June 02, 2004 5:27 PM
To: AT-L@backcountry.net
Subject: [at-l] Tennessee


(This ain't been proof read.  Too freakin' tired.)

Lord. 

I. Am. TIRED.  

Mom and I flew to Knoxville, getting there about 2:00 Saturday.  We rented a 
car whose turn signals didn't work and drove up to Kingsport.  I was THRILLED 
to see mountains and trees with real leaves rather than palms.  It was a 
beautiful day and a little chilly, especially for us Florida gals.  I think the 
temp was a tad above 70.  Upon arrival in Kingsport, we checked in to the Marriot 
Meadowview, a beautiful hotel on a golf course, at the foot of Bays Mountain. 
 We decided to go see my Aunt Sandra at her place of employment, Indian Path 
Hospital.  We took John B. Dennis Highway, and I nearly fell out of the car 
when I went over a hill and around a bend and saw nothing over the horizon 
except for the monstrosity that is the Tennessee Eastman.  I had forgotten how big 
that place is.  And how stanky.  Phew.  
 
Anyway, we went back to the hotel and got changed and my aunt came by later 
and we had dinner at Cattails, a restaurant in the hotel.  It was okay, but 
they couldn?t make a Cosmopolitan to save their lives.  I mean, it?s part vodka 
part Cointreau, a splash of cranberry and a squeeze of lime.  Well, my first 
one arrived and I swear it was straight cranberry.  I decided to give it a 
second chance and ordered another one and this one was straight vodka.  The third 
one was lime juice.  HELLO!!!!????  What?  They brought it to me in three 
parts?  I?m supposed to make my own?  And to top it all off, it was brought to me 
in a wine glass.  Hooo Boy.  Welcome to Tennessee.  At least my aunt got what 
she wanted and they even knew what she was asking for when she said she?d have 
a swate tay.  
 
After dinner, we went to the Jacuzzi, and I was shocked, SHOCKED I tell ya, 
when I found out that it was Mom?s first time in a hot tub.  First, she said, ?
It ain?t bubblin? Kayullee.?  And then she said, ?It?s too cold to be gettin
? in the water.?  Well, I turned on the ?bubblin? machine? and she stuck 
her toes in.  How delighted she was to find out how HOT the water was.  I reckon 
she expected it to be lukewarm at best.  My aunt stayed with us at the hotel 
that night and we gals stayed up late drinking beers and catching up.  It was 
a cool slumber party.
 
The next day we got up early and decided to head to Erwin.  I had no idea 
where I was going, only that I wanted to hike some on the Appalachian Trail.  
Once we got into Erwin, I decided to take a left from the main road, and we had a 
harrowing drive up a mountain.  Me, being a lead foot, scared the shizzle out 
of the Mom and the Aunt.  I had a good old time going up that mountain!  
Driving in Florida, the only time you drive ?up? is when you go ?up? a 
drawbridge.  Finally, after topsy-turvying for about five miles, we ran smack into a ?
Welcome to North Carolina? sign.  There was a place to park the car on the side 
of the road, which we did, and got out of the car. BRRRRRR!!!!  Freakin? cold 
on top of that thar mountain.  And then, HELLO!  There was the AT.  HA!  It 
was like God himself led me to it.  My Mom was like, ?Ah crap, there she goes.?
 And off I did goes.  Mom had the Sunday Kingsport Times News, which is the 
size of a Monday Sun-Sentinel, but still, enough to keep her busy in the car, 
which is where she was going to stay.  My Aunt decided to foller me.  I couldn?
t tell you where I was, but I think it was Unaka or something.  It was cold 
and misty and cloudy when we started, but after a couple of hundred yards it got 
sunny and warm.  I don?t know if we hiked above the clouds or what, but it 
was pretty cool.  There weren?t too many views, but of course we weren?t 
looking up much.  The trail was muddy and the roots were plentiful.  Also, I didn?t 
have my hiking poles and I was wearing sneakers.  I can?t tell you how far we 
hiked, but we were out there for about six hours, scaring the hell out of my 
Mom.  She read the paper from cover to cover, twice, poor thing.  On the way 
back, it was mostly down hill and after a few hours I was feeling pretty 
confident and so I was practically SKIPPING down the trail.  My aunt was in front of 
me, steady as a mountain goat, head down, watching where she was going.  I?m 
all, ?Blah, blah, blah, blahblahblahblah?.WHOMP!  Feet first out in front of 
me.  It was like someone kicked the legs right out from under me?. Which is 
EXACTLY what I did to my Aunt.  OUCH!  Did I mention the trail was muddy?  We 
looked as if we shat our pants.  Back at the car, my Mom?s anger at us for being 
gone so long was soon replaced by uncontrollable laughter at the sight of our 
backsides.  Good times!
 
On the way back, we decided to eat, crappy pants and all.  A Cracker Barrel 
beckoned and we heeded it?s call.  Jackets tied around our waists, we stuffed 
ourselves with country cookin? and swate tay.  
 
Not having gotten enough hiking in, we decided to take a jaunt up Bays 
Mountain.  On the way up, I nearly ran off the road and down a sheer drop when three 
deer passed in front of the car.  THREE!  I parked the car and tippy toed in 
the woods after them,  through poison ivy and all.  I swear, I came across 
some kind of habitat or sumpin sumpin cause there were about 10 deer just a?
moseying around and layin? around, eating leaves and otherwise just being deer.  I 
know they heard me coming, and I know they heard the whir of my camera and 
stuff, but they did NOT BUDGE.  Brave deer.  I got about 20 pictures.  Did I tell 
you it was raining at that point?  Yeah, slight drizzle.  Well, I follered 
these deers blindly into the woods before I realized how silly that was.  Hello! 
 How the hell do I get back to the car!!!  Mother O?God.  I headed back in 
the general direction I had come, figuring I had to hit the road where I?d 
parked the car at some point.  Well, it started POURING.  I mean, big ol? huge 
juicy drops of rain.  And a lot of?em.  Pooh! Nothing to do but keep going, so I 
traipsed through the woods, getting? soaked, wondering if I would ever find the 
car or be dry again.  Damn deer. Finally, it stopped raining, but the water 
was dripping off the trees in buckets so it really didn?t matter.  I saw the 
road and rejoiced.  I had to go down a little embankment and was bracing myself 
for it when I heard my Aunt ask my Mom if they should go look for me.  WHOMP!  
Down the embankment on my ass.  Again.  ?Nope, Mom said, she?s right there.? 
 More giggles.
 
Finally, having had enough of WHOMPING I mean hiking, we headed back to the 
hotel where we fought for the bathtub.  I won, considering all the whomping I 
did.  After we?d all sufficiently warmed up and cleaned up, we ordered burgers 
and fries and pie and beer from room service and ordered an over-priced movie 
from On Demand.  We watched Monster, the movie about Eileen Wournos, who was a 
client of the firm (Or the blood sucking vampires and a festering pox on the 
body politic?s office) before she was executed in October of 2002. Good movie. 
 
 
Monday was a day of reunioning with people I hadn?t seen in 20 years.  I met 
up with my friends Pam and Rhonda and we had a spa day, getting massages and 
nails done and toes done and shopping.  This includes the aforementioned 
harrowing trip to Walmart.  I?d rather whomp down a mountain.  We all then went to 
our old hang out, the Skate Inn, where we laughed and skated with people we hadn
?t seen in ages.  Everyone was older and wider and grayer, but still the 
same.  Except for me.  I ain?t changed a bit!  Afterwards it was beer and giggles 
at Rush Street till midnight.  We caused a scene laughing so hard, running 
people off from the tables around us.  
 
The next day was hugs and tears as I said goodbye.  Driving to Knoxville was 
bittersweet as I knew it?d be a while before I was back up that way, but I 
missed the Boy.  After returning the car and making one last Vols purchase at the 
airport, I boarded the plane.  I thought my whomping days were over until I 
whomped face first into the aisle of the plane. Mom roared.  So did I.  One 
final and fitting moment to our trip.  

Love,
Kelly
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