[at-l] Lurker emerges from the shadows

[janl2 at mindspring.com (janl2@mindspring.com)]

>> Wow, are you in for a surprise!  <G>

>And I know that too, which is maybe why I'm agonizing more about after than
>during.  Points about carts and horses are well-taken.  But everyone goes on
>and on about what a life-changing experience it is and how I'll come back a
>different person (I do have a handful of thru-hiker friends and sources of
>information) and it's a little threatening.

---
Well, I think you are wise to ask these questions, and for the most part they are inevitable.
 
Yah, I was worried (agonizing?) about that issue too before my thru-hike of '03. Maybe I still should be. I'm not sure I've re-entered yet.

Part of that was due to circumstances you probably won't need to face. Home stress is Number One. I sold off my horses, let go of my long-term lease on my farm. I didn't have a home of my own to come home to. 
After my hike, I stayed and am still staying with a traveling girlfriend with a big house, and my father needed my help within a month of me finishing the thru. I haven't hardly unpacked my stuff yet, so when I need something I own ("where is my trail guide? Where is my underwear?") I usually go out and just buy it again, because it's buried in the back of storage. I hate that feeling.
I'm still at my father's sorting out the house, a process that will take a good month or so of back-and-forthing. I wailed to my roomie last month, as I was walking out the door for the umpteenth time, "I just don't know where I live anymore!" That's acceptable on the Trail, but not as cool off-trail.

I felt fearless on the Trail, and very free internally, at least that's my recollection now. 
When I returned, there was a fair amount of observed internal fear in me. Mostly, it was feeling directionless. I didn't know what I wanted to do. After all, as my friend Notes astutely observed, there are no white blazes back in civilization. 
If you return to a job or a spouse, it may be less so for you. 

You also may not want to work. That seems a pretty common reaction. Having experienced an unshackled life, it's hard to step back into the traces. Economics will likely take care of that. I didn't go looking for business for several months, having saved for that distinct possibility. i used the time to look for land and/or a house, and to write a book about the Long Trail. 

Eventually, the business found me again, so I took that as a sign to begin again (along with the diminishment of my allotted savings!). The surprise was how much pleasure I was taking from work, an activity that had been stale before I left. I think the lesson is to take sabbaticals periodically,
;-)

In any case, the return to civilized routines did return for me. 
In fact, today I'm celebrating the acceptance of my low-ball offer on a sweet piece of ground - abutting and surrounded on two sides by an undeveloped state park of virgin long-leaf pine that will stay undeveloped (rare red cockaded woodpecker habitat). The land started out outragously overpriced, and none of the realtor thought the seller would do anything but laugh and laugh at my pitiful offer. Turns out cash at tax time is a good thing! I'm going to live in the woods after all!

As for being prepared for the Trail, just accept that you'll make mistakes in gear and such. There are ample opportunities to rectify this along the way, early on. As for the rest, the Trail will teach you what to do. You'll see.
Best of luck,
Jan LiteShoe
AT '03