[at-l] Solitude

[spiriteagle99 at hotmail.com (Jim and/or Ginny Owen)]

It's funny, I consider myself a hermit, a real loner -- and yet I have 
limits, as I've learned.

I started backpacking as a solo hiker.  In the mountains of southern 
Arizona, I used to be able to be really alone, and I enjoyed it.  But I 
never went out for more than 4 days.  When I did my first AT thruhike, I was 
solo -- well, as much as anyone is solo on the AT.  Never had a problem.  
Two years later I did a solo hike of the JMT.  I only camped with other 
people 4 times in 18 days.  I was not happy.  I found that that much 
solitude, having no one to share the highs and lows, no one who knew who I 
was or cared, was not happiness.  I decided that the solitude of the PCT was 
probably not for me. Two years later, I started the AT again, alone.  But 
then, I knew there would be people and I would make friends, and I wouldn't 
be lonely very long.  That was the last time I did a real solo hike, as I 
ended up with a partner halfway through Virginia whom I ended up marrying.  
After eleven years hiking with Jim, I have gotten used to having a partner 
who is extemely compatible and I am not sure I could do another long solo 
hike.

When we did the CDT and PCT Jim had some serious physical problems - 
tendonitis, phlebitis, a broken toe, neuroma, etc.  Walking was very painful 
for him.  Since he is stubborn as a mule, he kept on hiking.  But I had to 
face the question of what I would do if he decided that the pain was too 
much.   When I do a long hike, I get totally committed to my hike.  I spend 
years planning and dreaming and getting oh so excited about the journey.  
Could I stop hiking, just because my partner can't hike?  It would just 
about break my heart.   On the other hand, I know that I would miss my 
husband tremendously, and would be very aware of the fact that while I was 
living the life we love, he'd be stuck dealing with the physical issues and 
the return to 'normal' life without me.  Can I do that to him?  Can I enjoy 
the hiking as much without having my favorite partner to share it all with?  
The good times really are better and the bad times so much easier when you 
share them.  We have talked about what we would do if one of us had to leave 
the trail - get the truck and run trail support is the usual answer - but 
I've seen some very unhappy trail supporters -- and only a few who really 
did manage to have a good time, despite having to spend so much time at the 
beck and call of their partner.  To be honest, I don't really know what I 
would do if I had to choose between continuing a long hike alone or giving 
up the dream.  I'm selfish and I really need my long treks - but I am also 
very very close to my husband, and wouldn't risk that for anything.  I know 
how I would feel if the positions were reversed - very unhappy at losing my 
chance to hike, but unwilling to ask Jim to stop hiking, whatever the cost 
to me.  So - I don't have an answer.  I understand Bob's need to return to 
his wife - but also how disappointed he must be at losing this chance to 
really see if he could hike from Georgia to Maine.  I hope I never have to 
make the choice between being with my husband and continuing my hike.  I 
think I know which I would choose -- after all, what is six months compared 
to a lifetime commitment -- but I know it wouldn't be easy.  I really do 
love long distance hiking -- but I love Jim even more.

Ginny

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