[at-l] Sewing bliss for lightweight backpacking

[datto_atl2 at yahoo.com (Datto)]

I finally pulled out the instructions for how to work this
new sewing machine. I plan on making me some deluxe
lightweight backpacking gear and in no time, I'll be
creating the next rave for the outdoor community.

Woo doggies, what the heck kind of route does that
threading path need to take? And there's supposed to be
some kind of thread coming from underneath the needle too.
I always figured while watching my mom sew when I was a kid
the needle just pounded the crap out of the thread enough
so it stayed in the material by tension and fear. But au
contraire mon ami...

Looking real close at the directions and then at the needle
area and then at the directions, it became obvious I was
going to need the Hubble glasses. No way was I gonna be
able to see that teeny tiny detail the directions were
talking about without soemthing that zoomed into the needle
area.

The Hubble glasses are the ones where if you hold them a
certain way you can see the rings of Saturn on a clear
night. If you hold the Hubble glasses the other way, you
can just make out the dust globs on the feet of the ant
moseying past you on the sidewalk. Now don't get too much
of a reflection off the Hubble glasses -- you could end up
frying the ant and that wouldn't be a nice thing to do if'n
you're planning on becoming the next Ewell Gibbons of the
outdoor set. 

Well let's see...reading the directions, evidently there's
this thing called a bobbin. Lots of new terms, I know, I
know. I'm just learnin' this stuff so work with me here if
you've been through home ec before. This bobbin thing, it's
somehow connected with performing the downright brazen
miracle of getting the thread knots to stay on whatever
you're sewing without having to pound the thread into the
material.

Now get this...when the sewing machine arrives, believe it
or not, the bobbin is empty. Why in the world would they
send an empty bobbin? Because they want you to have to
strain your eyes and grit your teeth and read detailed
instructions using a bunch of confusing terms, that's why.
They all had to learn it the hard way and you're gonna
learn it the same way. Remember that first bar-b-que you
put together from scratch? The one with the exploded
isometric drawings and over a thousand bolts of various
sizes?

A cinch compared to working your first sewing machine.

I made the mistake of stopping at Starbucks on the way back
from the grocery store this afternoon and now I can't get
my fingers to stop shaking long enough to get the thread
through the "front side" of the needle. Anybody ever know
there's a front side and a back side to a needle? Me
neither.

Well a glass of wine and that oughta settle down the
fingers and counter-act the Starbucks so the fingers can go
a travelin' down to push the end of this here invisible
thread through the needle hole.

You know, I'm beginning to think it would be easier to find
a girlfriend to help me with this than it would be to get
this sewing machine prepped enough to sew my Tyvek boat I
have in mind. Yes, God was standing way up above Nevada
looking down at Noah saying, "I want this Tyvek boat three
cubits by four cubits." And Noah said, "Righttttt...what's
Tyvek?"

Datto


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