[at-l] A Question?

[Bluetrail@xxxxxxx (Bluetrail@xxxxxxx)]

Tori, as someone who did trail support for her significant other for about =
10,000 miles of his 12,000+ backpacking miles, and had a big shock when he =
left after his third AT, I do know a lot of what you're feeling.

You are shut out and his mind is NOT on you; this is normal in my experienc=
e=2E  It worries me more that he refuses to talk about YOUR feelings.  You =
might want to think about this; is this shutdown not a normal part of your =
relationship, or is it the way he deals with you whenever you have somethin=
g negative to say?  If it's the latter, I'd be really worried.  Your feelin=
gs are every bit as legitimate as his.  If you're reasonably comfortable th=
at it's just a reaction to the situation at hand, then....

Give him the support he seems to want.  Some ideas:  at every maildrop I se=
nt a homemade goodie (usually some kind of brownie-type bars) and a folded =
note for every night until the next maildrop.  Sometimes the note was a car=
toon or a joke; sometimes it was a remberance of some fun we had together; =
sometimes it was a funny story about what I'd been doing at home; sometimes=
 it was a love note.

At the same time, and probably MOST IMPORTANTLY, take care of yourself!  Th=
is is the time to take a class that's interested you, learn to quilt, take =
up sailing, learn to scuba dive, go on a trip of your own, get active with =
an organization whose goals you share, join an exercise class, nourish your=
 friendships with girlfriends.  IF this hike proves to be the end of a rela=
tionship rather than a blip, you'll have new interests, stronger friendship=
s, and a wider world to support you.  If the hike is just a blip, you'll be=
 an even more interesting and complex person when he comes home.

I would second the idea that you stay on at-l.  You'll learn more about hik=
ing and be better able to share his excitement and his journey.  Read the j=
ournals on TrailJournals to gain more insight into the thru-hiking world. S=
end at-l some of your worries or concerns; there's a world of experience he=
re to help you over the rough spots--cause there will be times when you fee=
l neglected, alone, sorrowful, and even angry. That's normal too.  The more=
 you take care of yourself (see above), the less of those downer feelings y=
ou will have.

For what it's worth, almost a year to the date of his departure, my former =
significant other moved back to the Orlando area, got an apartment 15 minut=
es from my house, started substitute teaching again, and then called me.  A=
pparently the completely free life isn't all it seems when you're out on th=
e trail.

Joan
bluetrail@aol.com