[at-l] What do I do?

[icw@xxxxxxxxxxx (Clark Wright)]

I have no silver bullet answer, but one thing is for sure - almost all
of us face some element of Kelly's anguish, whether it be worry over
finances, facing the realities of growing physical fraily in one's
parents [or oneself], weaving through the intricacies of
medicare/medicaid law, etc.  My Mom is 73 and tenaciously holding on to
her independence, but the day will come, the day will come . . .

I think the best thing I can say are indeed Trail related . . . first,
no matter what one's age, if there are dreams that can be realized, then
Mom ought to take the plunge!  Of course, this is easier said than done
- my Dad died in 1989, and Mom's never been the same since . . . my
gentle [and sometimes not-so-gentle] entreaties to take a cruise, go on
trips with friends, or just undertake lieflong desired personal projects
have for the most part gone un-heeded . . . there is a fine line in our
relationships with our parents between love, letting go, and the twin
demons that  I call "passive aggression" and "parental martydom."  We
each have to navigage these lines as best we can.

The other lesson of the Trail is financial - one does not need a ton of
money to live on if one will simply redefine one's needs . . . like
everything else, such lessons are easy to preach about, but hard as hell
to put into practice for oneself - much less to try and talk one's
parents into opening up about!

As my great grandmother once said, "getting old is hell!"  Yet it also
is all about facing NEW LESSONS in LIFE.  Even physical dying can be
viewed as an essential part of LIFE . . .

So, I reckon, in the end it is [fancy this] all about attitude, having
something to live for, and having people to love  . . .  sounds kinda
like a long distance hike, doesn't it?

Anyhow, know that we all are with ya on this one, and that there are
lot's of folks wiser than I to talk with [but feel free to e-mail me
anytime offlist to comiserate!]

Hike [and live] on!

thru-thinker

KellyGoVols@aol.com wrote:

> --
> [ Picked text/plain from multipart/alternative ]
> I reckon I'm looking for a sympathetic ear.  I don't know.  My mother was
> laid off from her job after two years.  She's almost 60, and supports herself
> and my dad.  She doesn't have a retirement plan.  I have no siblings.  She's
> had a hard, hard life, and doesn't deserve all the shit she's gone through in
> her life, much less the things she's going through in what should be her
> golden years.  I love this woman more than life, and I'm so sad.  My heart
> breaks for her, and I don't know what to do or say to her.
>
> I look at this list as more than a forum for information.  I've grown to
> depend on it for good advice outside the usual trail talk.   What should I
> do?  How do I care for my aging parents?  I'm not rich by any stretch of the
> imagination.
>
> Are there any listers in the same situation?  Any ideas?  A shoulder for
> tears.  I love her so much, and I don't want to see her stress like this.
> She's a lovely woman, and I love her dearly.
>
> I'm sorry, I reckon I'm venting more than anything.  If I could only win the
> lottery...:)
>
> Kelly
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