[at-l] Re: Cabin Fever?

[spiriteagle99@xxxxxxxxxxx (Jim and/or Ginny Owen)]

Jan LiteShoe wrote:
>You know, I am starting to get a familiar feeling. It's coming on stronger
>every day as things get wedged into storage, as I pack up my life to spend
>six months on the AT. It is a very insecure, rootless feeling. (I wonder if
>those of you AT hikers who are leaving a spouse at home to keep the home
>fires burning have a similar feeling.)

Jan -
Not everyone gets that feeling - but most do.  Most people were raised to be
"good citizens", to be "productive", to go to work, raise a family - and not
climb out of the box that we've been assigned.  And the training runs deep.
And in spite of all the wonderful words that others have to say about the
Trail, that training is not an easy thing to overcome.  That's why most of
those who thruhike do so at a "break point" in their lives - because only at
that kind of nexus are there cracks in the seamless fabric of our lives.
Death, retirement, graduation, divorce - these are "break points".  There
are others, but these are the main ones.

There are also people for whom the "training" never took - the ones who've
never accepted the box/pigeonhole that others have tried to stuff them into.
  They're the ones who go off into the unknown without doubt or regret and
never look back. They're a rare breed.


>But it's deeper than that, and here is something I bet all share but aren't
>talking about too much. We like to joke about being NUTS, or CRAZY or
>INSANE before a big hike, but really, what I'm experiencing right now is
>insecure, and doubting the wisdom of this venture.

Aaahhh - define NUTS/CRAZY/INSANE.  By "normal" standards, those who do what
you want to do ARE all of those.  And most of those who do it also start
with the doubt and insecurity.  You're not alone.


>All of a sudden, it seems like a foolish thing to do. Not worth doing. I
>mean, I'm arresting my career. When I return, there will be no familiar
>place that is "home." My bank account will be severely hit. The sheer
>effort it has taken to arrange my life to get out there has been
>overwhelming, at time.

Personal - When I left to thruhike the AT I had enough money to finish the
Trail and survive for a couple months.  When I got back, that pad was gone
for reasons I won't go into here, I faced a divorce and it took me 6 months
to find a job.  But I survived.  Since then, I've done two more thruhikes
and I'm planning more. Physically, mentally, emotionally and financially I'm
better off than I've ever been in my life.  Jumping into the unknown is just
that - the unknown.  It "can" be worse than what you've got now. But it can
also be much, much better than what you've got now. Do you have enough faith
in God, in yourself, in the future - to take that leap?  I think you do -
I've always thought so.  The following is a piece of something that became a
large part of my philosophy 50 years ago.  It's served me well.

>If you can make a heap of all your winnings
>And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
>And lose, and start again at your beginnings, And never breathe a word
>about your loss;
>If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
>To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is
>nothing in you
>Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
>--------
>Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
>And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
---- From "If" by Rudyard Kipling

Yeah - I know - that last line isn't exactly PC and might need to be
modified to fit you <VBG>

But the ideas, the concepts - I've found those to be worthwhile.


>And so now, with less than two weeks to go, the doubts run through like
>ticker tape. I am just sitting with them, watching them, letting them run
>like a movie. Trying not to let my attention get "hooked" by it to the
>extent I believe in the doubt and let it regulate my actions.
>To experience doubt is one thing. Natural, to be expected, I remind myself.
>To believe it and act on it is another. You can only second-guess yourself
>so much, and then you have to let it go.

A long time ago (by some standards), I was starting a business and invited a
friend to become a partner.  Your words are an echo of his.  And my answer
to him was no different than what I would tell you - If you had no doubts,
then I would worry far more about your ability to accomplish what you're
setting out to do. The fact that you have doubts means that you have the
intellect and the imagination to understand the hazards involved, to see the
possible pitfalls, to question your motives, to examine the wisdom of the
enterprise - and to overcome all of those things.

Doubts and fear and insecurity are not necessarily bad as long as you don't
allow them to rule your life. One of my basic tenets is that fear should
never be the reason for doing - or not doing - something.  Doing - or not
doing - something should be based on knowledge, desire and a realistic
assessment of the risks and rewards involved.  And sometimes of necessity.
For me, the AT was a necessity that overrode all other considerations.

Keep in mind also that enthusiasm is not the key to a thruhike.  It doesn't
hurt - but if that's all you got driving you, then you "might" make it to
Fontana.  Maybe. We've watched that process for a few years - we've watched
the people who left full of hope and enthusiasm - the ones who were bouncing
off the walls - leave the Trail because the Trail didn't meet their
expectations.  No - it takes more than just enthusiasm.  It also takes some
knowledge, a sense of reality, a sense of purpose - and the ability to be
flexible, to handle whatever problems or situations come your way.  And I
think you've got what it takes.

I think my final thought here should be something that's been another of the
basic principles in my life -

>Courage is not the absence of fear.
>Courage is carrying on despite the fear.
--- Winston Churchill

Go for it - Ginny and I have yet to meet anyone who's actually finished the
Trail who's regretted the experience.

And know that we've never had a doubt about your ability to do it.

Walk softly,
Jim

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