[at-l] Re: Cabin Fever?

[AThiker@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx (Felix)]

janl2@mindspring.com wrote:

>But it's deeper than that, and here is something I bet all share but aren'=
t talking about too much. We like to joke about being NUTS, or CRAZY or INS=
ANE before a big hike, but really, what I'm experiencing right now is insec=
ure, and doubting the wisdom of this venture.
>All of a sudden, it seems like a foolish thing to do. Not worth doing. I m=
ean, I'm arresting my career. When I return, there will be no familiar plac=
e that is "home." My bank account will be severely hit. The sheer effort it=
 has taken to arrange my life to get out there has been overwhelming, at ti=
me.
>
>Now, doubt is now a familiar friend. I remember feeling this way just befo=
re the Long Trail. An honest person SHOULD question themselves.
>
>Yet something this momentous and disruptive as a six-month hike doesn't ha=
ppen on a whim. The impulse runs deep, like a river.
>
>When I look back on the Long Trail, I see I wouldn't have missed it for th=
e world. From the moment I shouldered my pack - no, scratch that, I remembe=
r a panic thought then - from the moment I set foot on the Trail, my though=
ts were focused there. There was surety. Concern dropped away.
>
>And so now, with less than two weeks to go, the doubts run through like ti=
cker tape. I am just sitting with them, watching them, letting them run lik=
e a movie. Trying not to let my attention get "hooked" by it to the extent =
I believe in the doubt and let it regulate my actions.
>To experience doubt is one thing. Natural, to be expected, I remind myself=
. To believe it and act on it is another. You can only second-guess yoursel=
f so much, and then you have to let it go.
>
>Well, the truth is, it's too late for that. Even if I stayed home, the "da=
mage" has already been done. Since there is no turning back now, there is n=
othing to be done but exhale... plan maildrops...finish packing...tying up =
19 million loose ends...
>
>Because, on the inner landscape, this is epic. How to turn away from that?=
 There IS no turning back...
>
What the hell are you talkin' about?  :-)   You are putting pressure on
yourself because you are worried about what people will think if you
DON'T finish what you are about to start. What else is there to be
'scared' of? You're getting ready to enter a 5 or 6 month period in
which 'careers' and 'storage units' and 'bank accounts' and most things
in what we call 'the real world' DON'T matter. A place where the most
important thing you will hear ALL DAY is "There's water at that road
crossing". Something like water, or 'toilet paper in the privy', or an
orange sitting on a rock...is going to mean more to you than 401k. More
than a new drug discovery in Sweden.  Someone will hand you a piece of a
half-eaten bagel...and, it will be like they've given you a liver.

As far as being 'nuts', insane' or 'crazy'...That is anyone who does
anything they don't want to do. That's the guy who drives the grid to
the office and sits in a cubicle every day for 45 years to find out he
doesn't really like cubicles...That's the person who goes to school to
be something and finds out it isn't what they want to be...and then
becomes it anyway.  It's the factory worker who hates factory
work...And, I suppose, it's a hiker who doesn't want to hike. To me,
THOSE things are a 'foolish thing to do'. Do you want to hike, Jan? You
did yesterday.

A six month hike does NOT disrupt your life. It IS your life. And, it is
more than likely going to be the best part of your life. And, hopefully,
when you're done with your hike...hopefully on Katahdin...you'll realize
that toilet paper in a privy can be just as important as a degree on the
wall...

Damn the torpedoes...