Quitting/finishing/'Failing/Re[3]: [at-l] RE: Bryson's Book

[icw39@ncfreedom.net (Clark)]

thanks for a wonderful post that just about sums up the struggle to
define one's "success" relative to peer group standards in all of life! :)

thru-thinker

Jim and/or Ginny Owen wrote:

>
> kahley wrote -
> At 11:34 AM 9/17/02 -0400, Bob C. wrote:
>
>>> "... Why did he leave the pond?" asks Kahley.
>>>
>>> "I  left the woods for as good a reason as I went there. Perhaps it
>>> seemed
>>> to me that  I  had  several  more lives to live, and could not spare any
>>> more time for that one." replies Henry Thoreau, who professes never to
>>> have been bored.
>>
>>
>> Oh goodie!    That just about sums up the query I've received from
>> someone
>> who was loath to post to the list.  A Lister left the trail.  Was she a
>> quitter or was she just finished?  She feels she was just 'done' but
>> seems
>> to feel that others think she quit and that, of course translates to
>> failure.
>>
>> It seems that Thoreau has put an end to the failure concept?
>
>
>
> Kahley -
> I wrote this in Feb 99 for someone else who had the same kind of problem -
> it fits even better now than it did then.  It was part of the "Thruhiking"
> series, written prior to our little walk on the CDT.  And it even matches
> Thoreau's view.  Maybe it'll help her understand.
> Walk softly,
> Jim
>
> ************************************************************************
>
> Thruhiking - What If ......?
>
> There are a few questions that nobody ever talks about - so I will. The
> questions are: What if -- you get hurt and have to get off the trail? What
> if -- you find out it's just not what you want to do? What if -- you don't
> make it all the way?
>
> Oh, horrors to Murgatroyd - you mean these things REALLY happen? Of course
> they do - they happen every year to a lot of people on each of the trails.
> The "success" rate on the AT is in the 10% range and it varies between 5%
> and 50% on the PCT depending largely on snow levels for a particular
> year. I
> don't know that there are any real numbers for the CDT, but from personal
> observation I'm not seeing a great "success" rate there either.
>
> I won't go into all the reasons why people drop out - if you want that kind
> of information go to the Thruhiking Papers. But let's talk about what
> happens if you're one of those who do go home early. I know - you don't
> intend to be one of those people, but it "could" happen. You "could"
> break a
> leg, the snow "could" be too much to handle, there "could" be forest fires
> that close the trail, there "could" be a storm that drops 30,000 trees
> across the trail, the trail "could" be washed out by a hurricane -- or you
> "could" just decide you miss your family or your girlfriend or your dog or
> that you don't like being wet, tired, cold, hungry, lonely, etc. all the
> time and you've had enough. A lot of people get out there and just find out
> that it's not what they thought it would be - or what they want. It happens
> to a lot of very nice people.
>
> Experienced thruhikers advise those who want to get off the trail to go
> into
> town for a couple days - and then judge how they feel. If, after a good
> night's sleep, a couple meals, a shower, some clean clothes, and some
> pizza,
> beer and ice cream, you don't miss the trail and the people and you still
> want to go home - then it may be best that you do just that. But if you
> find
> yourself missing the trail and the people and the lifestyle - then it's
> time
> to go hike some more. Listen to your body, listen to your heart - listen to
> your emotions. This isn't a logical decision - it's an emotional one.
> And no
> one can tell you what the "right" answer is because what's "right" for them
> isn't necessarily "right" for you.
>
> For some, leaving the trail will be painful - because they're leaving
> behind
> a dream as well as their friends. And there's a large part of them that
> doesn't want to leave. For others, it'll be a relief - because they've
> found
> that the trail isn't what they wanted or expected and they're ready to go
> home.
>
> In either case, if you get off the trail without finishing, there WILL be
> people who will judge you for it. And the best thing I can tell you is that
> regardless of whether you went home happily or otherwise, it's not their
> place or their right to judge you. They don't know the circumstances, they
> don't know the pain, they don't know the pleasures of being on the trail.
> You're the one who was out there - it was YOU who was wet, cold, tired,
> hungry, lonely -- whatever - - NOT them. So they cannot legitimately judge
> whether you should have kept on hiking or whether you did the "right" thing
> in coming home. Not even another thruhiker can judge that because every
> thruhike is/was/will be different - no two thruhikes are the same, not even
> for the same person. Only you can determine what's "right" for you. Don't
> forget that - because it applies to "LIFE" as well as to thruhikes.
>
> Now - let's talk about "success". One of the "cultural" artifacts on the
> trail is the attitude that "completion is the only success". For some of
> us,
> completion/finishing is really important. And sometimes thruhikers (and
> others) come to believe it's the only measure of success. Bullfeathers.
>
> Completing the trail is the most obvious way to measure success, but there
> are others. One of them is what you've learned - did you learn what you
> went
> out there for? Did you learn anything about yourself? Or about the world
> you
> live in? Or about the people who inhabit that world? What did you learn
> about love - or pain - or happiness - or God?
>
> One of my trail partners was out there to find out what this "thruhiking"
> thing was all about - and after he'd hiked 1300 miles he'd learned what he
> wanted to know and went home. Was he "successful"? Of course. A couple
> years
> ago a PCT hiker took 6 months to get through California - and had a
> fantastic hiking and spiritual experience. He didn't make it "all the
> way" -
> but I think he might have been "successful". He certainly thought so. There
> are hundreds, possibly thousands, of this kind of story that come out of
> "incomplete thruhikes". They're stories of people who learned - about
> themselves and what they are and what they want out of life. Those are
> "success" stories even though those people didn't "finish" the trail.
>
> I also know a few people who were "successful" in the sense that they
> "finished" the trail, even though they didn't seem to learn anything but
> the
> mechanics of a thruhike. But as long as they're happy with what they did
> and
> what they learned (or not), they're also successful. It's not my business
> (or anyone else's) to tell them what they "should have learned".
>
> For me, "finishing" was a part of "success" - but that wasn't all of it. If
> I'd finished and not learned anything, I'd have considered the hike a
> failure and a waste of time, energy and money. If I'd learned what I
> learned
> and not finished, it would still have been a "success", but not quite as
> satisfactory. In this respect I'm greedy - I want it all. I won't even
> guess
> at numbers or percentages, but I think a lot of people feel as I do -
> that a
> thruhike is a learning experience and that finishing is a way of "closure".
> That's why some who leave the trail without finishing go back a year or two
> later to finish it.
>
> If you're thinking about quitting the trail or about going back to
> finish an
> incomplete thruhike - then you need to look at your motivation. Not that
> you're looking for something "bad" - or that you're not a worthy person for
> not finishing. The only question here is - do you REALLY, REALLY want to
> hike the whole trail enough to live with what you now know is the price for
> that goal - the long-term pain, cold, hunger, heat, thirst, loneliness,
> etc.? Are the rewards worth the price for you? Some people are simply not
> willing to pay that price - but that doesn't make them "bad" or
> "unworthy" -
> or "a failure". It simply means that they've had a "life-experience" and
> learned something about who and what they are and what they want - and what
> they don't want.
>
> For some, it means they can now move on to do what they really want to do
> with their lives. For others, the desire is still there to "finish" the
> trail. So maybe that's what they should do. But that doesn't mean they have
> to do it as a thruhike. There are a LOT of people who don't complete their
> thruhikes, but go back to finish the trail as section hikers. For my part,
> I've gotta admire them because they don't give up their dream - they just
> find another way to do it. That can be an even greater success than
> finishing the original thruhike would have been.
>
> There are those who don't make it the first time - but go back to try
> again.
> Like Cal on the PCT - he didn't make it the first year because of the
> desert
> heat - but he finished the second time around - and celebrated his 70th
> birthday while he was out there. That's another form of "success". :-)
>
> There are also those who just find a different way to do their thruhike. In
> 95 a lot of people skipped the Sierras on the PCT and came back later to
> finish. The same thing happened again in 98 - and the "non-linear hike" is
> another form of success (although it may not have been part of the original
> plan), because it's a resolution to a problem that otherwise might have
> stopped their hikes.
>
> The people who are ultimately "unsuccessful" on a thruhike are those who
> set
> the goal and then allow themselves to be mentally or emotionally defeated
> (either by themselves or by others) and don't allow themselves to "ever"
> attain that goal. They come away from the trail with only negative
> experiences and memories. That's a different proposition from being forced
> off the trail by injury or deciding it's not what you really want out of
> life. It's an internal thing - a personal life decision - a head game. I've
> met a few (very few) of the "true failures". They tend to be bitter and
> disillusioned - and they sometimes put down the trail and those who do what
> they once aspired to. That's a life choice that they've made for themselves
> - and I'm thankful that I didn't make those choices.
>
> The bottom line here is that "success" is NOT something that's universally
> definable - not in thruhiking, not in any other human endeavor. And whether
> you complete your thruhike or not - you should NEVER define your success by
> the standards and goals others have set. Success is an individual - and
> internal thing - and YOUR success or failure is something that only YOU can
> determine. Don't allow others to do it for you no matter who they are or
> how
> wise or experienced they seem to be. The only thing that matters is whether
> or not you're happy with the results of the time you've spent on the trail.
>
> One of the lessons that I've learned is that others will always set higher
> goals for you than they believe you can meet - especially when they can't
> meet those goals themselves. As I was once taught - "Nothing's impossible
> for the man who doesn't have to do it." :-)
>
> There's one more piece to this - even if you've finished the trail, when
> you
> go home you'll find that there will be people who'll look at what you've
> done with disdain. There will be people who'll put you down for it. There
> will be those who look at you as a vagabond or irresponsible or lazy or any
> of a lot of other negative words. I ran into that when I was looking for a
> job, and recently some people have run into it when they've found that
> others don't approve of the way they've done their hike. Or when they're
> told that they "wasted 6 months of their lives". Once again - the word of
> the day is - bullfeathers.
>
> Another of the lessons in my life was that those who put you down, those
> who
> judge you negatively, do so out of fear or envy or ignorance. They fear
> those who do what they dare not attempt. They envy those who are willing to
> take the risk involved in changing their lives and futures, who'll leave a
> "secure job" (there is no such thing) to venture into the "wilderness".
> They're ignorant about what you've done, about what it takes to do it,
> about
> your reasons for doing it and about what you've gotten out of it. Very few
> people will ever even come close to understanding those things. And the
> "dream-stealers" will do whatever they can to short-circuit your dreams and
> the accomplishment of your goals or, failing that, to demean the goals that
> you've attained.
>
> The bottom line here is that regardless of whether you finish the trail or
> not, if you allow those who are negative or critical of what you intend to
> do or what you've done, to rule your life, then they will happily do so -
> and you'll never be happy. Remember WHY you did what you did - and remember
> that NOBODY has the right to second guess you or put you down for something
> that they haven't done and in most cases, will never do. Hike your own hike
> - allow others to hike theirs - and whether you finish the trail or not -
> don't let the "dream-stealers" play their mind games with your attitude or
> your life.
>
>
>
>
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