[at-l] Southern English

[plodder2@backpacker.com (Larry Galyen)]

--
My Brother sent this to me and though it was funny.  I told him is was mountain English.  For the Yorker who will stand out like a sore thumb in NC
Plodder
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>HEIDI - (noun) - Greeting.
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>HIRE YEW - Complete sentence.  Remainder of greeting.
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>Usage: "Heidi, Hire yew?"
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>BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
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>Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
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>JAWJUH - (noun) - The State north of Florida.  Capitol is Lanner.
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>Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
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>BAMMER - (noun) - The State west of Jawjuh.  Capitol is Berminhayum.
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>Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."
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>MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division.
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>Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
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>THANK - (verb) - Ability to cognitively process.
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>Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
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>BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
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>Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
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>IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart.  See "Arkansas native."
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>Usage: "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"
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>RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
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>Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
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>ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant.
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>Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
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>FAR - (noun) - A conflagration.
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>Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."
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>TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel.
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>Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
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>TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument.
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>Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
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>RETARD - (verb) - To stop working.
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>Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
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>FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat.
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>Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."
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>RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege.
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>Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
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>FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic.
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>Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed...must be from some farn country."
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>DID - (adjective) - Not alive.
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>Usage: "He's did, Jim."
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>EAR - (noun) - A colourless, odourless gas: Oxygen.
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>Usage: "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ear!"
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>BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable.
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>Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
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>JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction.
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>Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"
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>HAZE - a contraction.
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>Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert.  He ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf."
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>SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see".
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>VIEW - contraction: (verb) and pronoun.
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>Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City...  view?"
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>GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution.
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>Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert.
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>40 Things Never Said By Southerners
>40.  Oh I just couldn't.  Hell, she's only sixteen.
>39.  I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
>38.  Duct tape won't fix that.
>37.  Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
>36.  Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
>35.  We don't keep firearms in this house.
>34.  Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
>33.  You can't feed that to the dog.
>32.  I thought Graceland was tacky.
>31.  No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
>30.  Wrasslin's fake.
>29.  Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
>28.  We're vegetarians.
>27.  Do you think my gut is too big?
>26.  I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
>25.  Honey, we don't need another dog.
>24.  Who's Richard Petty?
>23.  Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
>22.  Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
>21.  Spittin is such a nasty habit.
>20.  I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
>19.  Trim the fat off that steak.
>18.  Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
>17.  The tires on that truck are too big.
>16.  I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
>15.  I've got it all on the C drive.
>14.  Unsweetened tea tastes better.
>13.  Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
>12.  My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
>11.  I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
>10.  Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
>09.  Checkmate.
>08.  She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
>07.  Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
>06.  Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
>05.  I don't have a favorite college team.
>04.  Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
>03.  I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
>02.  Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
>01.  Nope, no more for me.  I'm drivin tonigh
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