[at-l] Self Doubt (How to help a Newbie: Update 4 - Part II)

[icw39@ncfreedom.net (Clark Wright)]

I, too, have appreciated Rafe's comments; as someone who reluctantly got
off last summer in Duncannon, PA to come home and be with my pregnant
wife and little girl, I can relate - but from a different perspective. 
The thought I would leave with you, and everyone else, is that how you
feel about the AT, and hiking part or all of it, changes over time, and
depends not only on your own unique collection of physical, mental and
spiritual attributes, but also depends to vary degrees on the
relationships you have with others around you, whether they be parents,
spouses, "significant others," children, bosses, school, close friends,
planes being flown into buildings, or anything else that MATTERS to you
. . . I am one of those torn individuals who is contaminated with a
strong upbringing dose of "I must finish, because I always finish what I
start" attitude, mixed in with the realization that if I never set foot
on the AT again, I've already been transformed, physically, mentally and
spiritually . . . and the effects of that transformation reverberate
still in my life, and likely [hopefully!] will continue to do so for a
long, long time.

With the above floating around in my mind, I would observe that - in a
sort of eastern sense - when one even asks the question "what does it
take to finish?," one has already polluted the air with all kinds of
implicit presuppositions, such as: (a) that finishing matters; (b) that
there is a certain thing or things that can be isolated as causing one
person to finish or not; and (c) that this is a linear deal in the first
place.  All those presuppositions are valid on some levels, but - to me
- not on others.  And if we get too far down that road, we start parsing
away, and thus damaging in some way, our positive ideas of what we and
this Trail are all about . . . questions such as: - do ya have to do it
in one year; touch all white blazes, etc. etc. etc.

I will finish the whole thing, fairly soon; the big deal will be the
spiritual things that happen on the way, and what I anticipate [but that
can be a dangerous thing!] will be "the big spiritual bang" when I get
to the top of Mt. K "at the end."  I suspect, however, that as time goes
on, what I will remember most fondly and vividly are the unexpected
personal, natural and spiritual surprises that snuck up on me at the
most unpredicatable times . . . sort of like happens in the rest of
life, eh? :)

thru-thinker

AHuthmaker@aol.com wrote:
> 
> In a message dated 4/11/02 5:02:56 PM, rafe.bustin@verizon.net writes:
> 
> << It wasn't the body that let me down.  It was strictly
> a mental/psychological/emotional thing.
> 
> I really shouldn't go on too much about why I
> failed, Anna.  Hopefully you will not have the same
> difficulties, and I don't want to be the one to put
> a lot of negative ideas in your head.
>  >>
> 
> No  Rafe!!!!  You are exactly the person to talk to!!!  I think that everyone
> has those exact same difficulties!  I mean, there is a reason that 90 % of
> people leave the trail.  All of ya'll proved your strength and endurance by
> just being out there.  The question is, then.......how to overcome or better
> yet, work with, the 'mental/psychological/emotional thing'.  I am making a
> huge assumption here, but I think that leaving the trail is so painful for
> people that it isn't something they want to go back and rehash.  That is why
> I am so grateful to you for your honesty!
>     As for putting negative idea in my head, it is the opposite.  You are
> helping me prepare for the (in my opinion) inevitable.  For that, I am
> totally grateful!  Anna
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