[at-l] Off Topic, Long, Personal, No Gear Advice Here

[DaRedhead@aol.com (DaRedhead@aol.com)]

Black n Blue made a comment on the drive about "Mecca".  I feel like that was 
appropriate.  Springer is probably the closest I'll ever get to having a 
"Mecca" like attitude.  A combination of seeing the beginning and Mom.

I'll omit the trials and tribulations of actually *getting* to the parking 
lot .9 miles from said Mecca :)  It was raining - otherwise perhaps I would 
have gotten to see Fur and Landslides, him staring a thru and her hiking w/ 
him for a while.  As I understood it from Hummingbird, they would start 
tomorrow.  (Today, now)  Granted, thanks to Black n Blue and his weather 
prowess, the weather was much milder than had been predicted :)  I was also 
looking for Joel from Flint and Chief - Joel having hiked the AT already but 
out for a while, and Chief starting a thruhike again, since he had to get off 
the Trail last year due to an injury.  Being Chief, he was starting again 
from the beginning instead of where he got off the trail.  I didn't see them. 
I also found out when I got home that Dee and POG were in the area, but since 
I didn't know that then, I didn't see them either.

So anyway - I'll start the tale from arriving at the parking lot below 
Springer.  Black n Blue has already hiked that .9 miles, and was planning on 
reaching . . . Gooch Gap? wherever, it was 16 miles or so away, so he headed 
north from the parking lot. (I'm not saying that we took any wrong roads or 
that he started much later than he wanted to ;)) I told him that was good, as 
this was something I probably wanted to do alone.  There were three young 
guys heading up to Springer to start a thru shortly before I left to hike up 
there.  They declined having a picture taken but said at Springer they would 
like one.  They set off.  Black n Blue set off.  I screwed around with "gee, 
I'm only hiking .9 miles, so I don't need blah blah blah" and ended up not 
putting my rain pants on, not taking water, not carrying anything, actually, 
except my Moms hat and a camera.  Oh yea - and my Leki's, although it turned 
out they were superfluous on that short hike.

The profile map makes it look horrible, but the .9 miles were (was?) really 
easy.  However, I found that the longer I hiked, the slower I went.  Twice I 
almost turned around, sure I didn't want to do this anymore.  Not because it 
was hard, just because I started debating with myself about standing on 
Springer without Mom and without starting a thru.  I kept going anyway.  
Somehow being right there on my way up to the southern terminus of the AT 
made it hard to turn around, despite my emotional turmoil.

I ran into the three young guys, 'cause one of them was adjusting something.  
I politely waited for them to finish and go on.  I knew I'd be hiking slower 
than them because by that time I was walking REALLY slow, as we were close to 
the top and I knew it.  They went on, and I stopped for a minute.  I argued 
with myself.  Then I started walking again, and a few minutes later an older 
guy came up behind me, politely making his presence known so he wouldn't, as 
he put it, scare me.  I thought that was really sweet.  (I think he was 
either a maintainer or a park employee).  Anyways, I let him go by also.  But 
soon enough, there I was, walking up to the beginning.  The three young guys 
were there, and they had just asked the older guy to take their picture.  I 
walked past them, vaguely hearing their conversation, without looking at the 
markers or anything, and went a few steps down the approach trail . . . and 
just cried.  

Being there without Mom broke my heart in a way I suspected might happen but 
hoped I'd overcome.  I wanted to wait until I was alone before I actually 
looked at the beginning.  I was soaking 'cause I HATE the hood on my rain 
jacket, because I can't see much when I'm wearing it, and I wasn't wearing 
rain pants or even my gaiters.  (It was ONLY a small jaunt - I knew a car and 
dry clothes were close at hand)  I stood there and sobbed quietly until the 
three guys left and the old guy left.  Then I walked over to the plaque, and 
touched it.  Then I walked over to the other plaque, and touched it.  Then I 
sat down by the first white blaze and cried for a long time.  I produced a 
beer and cracked it, in the hopes that it would conjure up Mom for me.  It 
didn't.  I cried some more.  I couldn't stand it anymore, so I grabbed my 
poles and attacked the Trail in anger and in anguish, (the poles were totally 
useless and unnecessary for that little hike) and started to leave.  I hiked 
about three minutes.  Then I turned back.  I went back up to the summit, and 
sat down again.  I pulled Mom's hat out of my pocket.  (She bought that hat 
for her first deliberate day hike of the AT in the Shenanadoahs)  I put it on 
my head.  I remarked to myself that it was a damn shame she didn't know about 
Gortex when she bought it.  I laughed when I thought about that, as water 
dripped into my eyes, not all of it produced by me.  I stopped crying.  I 
stood up, and put my foot on that first blaze.  I had on her boots (Gortex, 
thank goodness, by then she knew enough to buy gortex when she bought them! 
(lets not get into Gortex, good or evil, guys!!)

So I had on her boots, and I had her hat on my head.  I looked around and 
vowed that I would never come there again unless I was starting my thru.  I 
took pictures of the plaques and the first blaze.  I had a sense of Mom 
laughing at/with me.  I didn't want to pull the register out in the pouring 
rain, so I didn't.  I didn't want any pictures of me up there . . . It was an 
intensely personal thing, unless you count me posting this, and a picture of 
me there, then, would diminish it somehow.  I was content w/ the pics of the 
plaques.

So I sat back down on the first blaze and finished the beer.  I thought about 
how nice a flask would have been as opposed to a glass bottle.  <g> Then I 
laughed some more 'cause Mom only drank beer from a can.  Then I laughed some 
more remembering how she tried to talk Baltimore Jack out of his 2000 mile 
rocker at the Gathering in '98. (gee, why did the flask part make me think of 
you, Jack? :))  I recited a poem from The Lord of the Rings.  (Mom was also a 
fan.)  I stood up, and as I walked past those first two blazes and headed 
back to the parking lot, it seemed like a weight was lifted from my 
shoulders, and I felt Mom there, letting me know it was okay to go there 
without her, because I'll never really be without her.

I'll probably post more on this later, not about Mom but about visiting 
Walasi Yi and going past so many places I've only heard about before.  Right 
now all I can think of is Mom, and Springer.

So anyways.  That was what happened.  Sorry so long . . . but yesterday will 
live long in my memory, and I fear that words do not do justice to the 
anguish and the joy I felt, so I used more words than were probably 
necessary.  I could have summed it up by saying "I went there, and I found 
Mom was there too."

The Redhead






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