[at-l] virtual vs real conversations

[janl2@mindspring.com (Jan Leitschuh)]

> > I always TRY to remember to ask "What do you mean by that?" if I
> > can't figure it out.

Great point! We "filter" everything we read thru our own experiences and
braces. We all have our "buttons" that engender automatic (ie, conditioned)
reactions. So it is always useful to "check it out" before lambasting
someone. It might have been a simple misread.

Even if the reply I get back from my inquiry is disingenuous, I generally
let it go - I still find the inquiry useful. Those who use invalidation as a
conversational technique are always a little more cautious if they feel they
have been "outed." 

Invalidation is an unkindness, a put-down, a way for the insecure making
oneself feel "superior," and no substitute for respectful debate. It is also
not the same as playful teasing, which when used skillfully, can be a way of
validating - and causing a smile.

When in doubt - ask privately first! It might even reel in a new friend.
Stranger things have happened... (right? ...______ (insert name here if the
shoe fits). Ha!

-- 
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    	Jan Leitschuh Sporthorses Ltd.

	Website:  
	http://www.mindspring.com/~janl2/index.html

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