[at-l] Off Topic

[DaRedhead@aol.com (DaRedhead@aol.com)]

I notice not much list traffic lately.  Of course, around this time every 
year it drops off a bit - not prime starting time for NOBO's or SOBO's - a 
busy time of year where the summer hikers aren't hiking and the winter hikers 
aren't hiking.

Still - I'm thinking the drop off in traffic has other causes.

I haven't had TV for awhile now, having failed to pay my cable bill (thinking 
must-have utilities were more important - but I dunno, may have been a wrong 
call).  So throughout this whole thing, I've been without the live coverage, 
the constant news reports, the updates, the special editions - the film at 
eleven or the actual moving pictures of what happened, and the followups.  A 
week ago I was upset that I had no TV, therefore I would miss the first 
weekend of pro football.  I was plotting which friends I'd hit up for a place 
to stay all day Sunday to watch football.  I was really looking forward to 
football.  Now I can't say whether not having TV is a blessing or a curse.

I slept in late the day it happened - I didn't find out until I logged on to 
check my mail. Then I spent a tense day waiting to hear from friends in the 
Pentagon - who clearly had too much to deal with that day and it took awhile 
for them to answer my emails.  I also spent that day worrying about friends 
and family - most of them being in the Hampton Roads area, stationed or 
living around NOB or FCTCLANT or Oceana - because it seemed like the next 
"logical" place to destroy.  Largest navy base in the world - one of four 
master jet bases - the finest training command in the east.  All "good" 
targets.

This week marks the first anniversary of the death of my son's best friend.  
Those of you who were around a year ago might remember.  I thought about the 
hurt and anguish and pain and misery that came about through that one child's 
death - and then tried to multiply that by how many people died this week, 
and the amount of people who would personally mourn their passing.  I can't 
count that high. 

I dug out the flag from my fathers funeral - that once was Mom's, but passed 
on to me when she died.  While searching for that flag, I came upon a whole 
box of little flags - remnants of when my Dad was running for Sheriff in York 
County.  Mom saved everything.  I also came across a box of childish drawings 
and school papers - mine.  I never even knew she saved that stuff.  I sat 
down in my garage and cried.  

My coverage of this tragedy has been through the 'net, except when I happen 
to be somewhere else with a TV.  I've cried over the pictures of smiling, 
happy people who are no longer here.  I've read the stories of hero's and 
courage.  I notice that in most yards in this neighborhood there are now 
large signs that read "In God we trust, United we stand".  

Now my thoughts go to my many friends in the military, or government service. 
 While no one is sure what will actually happen, what our response will be, 
or what shape or form it will take - I know that our armed forces will be 
confronting it on a much more personal basis than most of us.  Whether it is 
small special forces, or lobbing bombs from ships, or ground troops sent in, 
or any combination - they will still be the ones fighting the battle for our 
freedom.  For most of the U.S., Memorial Day is a three day weekend - it's a 
picnic, a cookout, a three day hike.  For some it is so much more than that - 
and I cringe thinking what it might mean to ALL of us a year from now.  It is 
scary.  Trying to explain to a five year old what happened is hard.  Watching 
my son, for all his recent problems, walk out the door to work late because 
he just HAD to find that little flag pin, was hard.  But on a scale of one to 
ten, it didn't register much with the horror and numbness and agony of this 
past week.

This has nothing to do with hiking.  But I'm feeling all these things, and 
once upon a time, sharing them here was the natural thing to do.  That has 
changed of late - but really, it hasn't.  Because we can argue about 
everything all the time - we can argue filter/not filter - Leki's/No Lekis - 
Cel phone/no cel phone - political trail issues/no political trail issues, 
and on and on.  But despite the recent flare up of arguments - I still feel 
like this is my family.  And I have to share my thoughts with you.  What 
happened goes so far beyond those arguments we've had as to make them seem 
petty and meaningless.  I am not starting a thread, and there is no response 
necessary - I just wanted to put into words what I'm thinking.

I've never needed a smashmellow so bad.

The Redhead








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