[at-l] woman on the AT

[itinerant_ej@yahoo.com (EJ Baker)]

Just wanted to say that I'm gratified and impressed by how everyone is seriously discussing this topic--no matter what your viewpoint may be.  My position was mainly that this doesn't get talked about and you're all proving me (happily) wrong right now.

To put in my own pitch--I agree that clarity is the best weapon/defense/equalizer.  And I have no compunction about telling someone he/she has gone too far for my comfort level.  OR about walking away myself if my gut tells me to do so.  What disturbed me on the trail last year was how many younger women I met who would in private tell me they were uncomfortable, but in public just smile because they wanted to be pleasant to everyone (and this is still the culture that teaches women to please and men to buy powertools--if you've looked around at any movie, magazine, song, billboard etc. lately).  

This whole train of thought was very present in my mind towards the end of my hike last year.  One fellow (not anyone on this list) had been both pressuring females on the trail and going into towns, following local females around and pressuring them for their phone numbers--he carried a little black book and boasted about the amt he had.  At first I thought I was the only person troubled by his behavior (I had been trying to get away from him for a few weeks and he kept turning up everywhere I was, constantly asking if I'd have sex with him etc. because we were such good "friends" since we were both hikers).  I sat down with him several times to explain very clearly that I didn't want his attentions and his response was always, "yeah, I know, I flirt too hard sometimes, sorry"--I'd explain that if someone says no, you're not flirting anymore--which he didn't seem to ever get.  As I started modifying my hike to avoid being alone with him since I couldn't hike faster and everytime I slowed down, he seemed to be on the same schedule (sleeping in shelters with other guys around me so he couldn't sleep near me, sharing rooms with females so he couldn't be in on the room split) I began to hear from everyone else how uncomfortable they were with him--the guys about the way he was acting with their female hiking friends, the women about how they were being much more cautious because he was around--not going swimming or stripping down to less clothing when they got too hot.  However, I was the only one who directly confronted him (and eventually, though it took a while, I was the only one who stopped being pressured or followed by him).  I was also the only one who, when he told stories about how he wooed women in town, would question him and point out that given he was a pretty big guy (over 6 ft) coming out of the woods looking a bit wild and smelling kind of strange, perhaps his interpretation of "flirting" was different from these womens'.  I doubted many of the phone numbers were real and his stories seemed kind of
 scary (how would you feel about having a hiker follow you around all day till you gave him your phone number?).  NO ONE ELSE SPOKE UP.  Instead, there would be a sort of nervous laughter around the campfire and a general joking about x's little black book.  But everyone in the group I was hiking among those few weeks privately said the stories made them nervous.  Sad about that--because it seemed that this guy was looking for praise (why else tell these stories) and I think that if everyone had a negative reaction, he might have stopped, might have even thought about what he was doing.

I wish everyone would learn to speak, tactfully, their minds in situations where the violence potential for doing so is low--it seems a real learned skill.  And the more people who do it, the more people who will learn to do it as well--let this hopefully be an AT trend.  Kudos to those who do (kudos to you rockdancer, you sound awesome.  In that situation--or any that could cause potential damage to me, I would have prob. walked away or kept quiet too).

To flip the conversation a bit:  I've been thinking about massaging hikers last weekend.  A few things we discussed, which also came up on the trail last year were:  how it feels to not be touched for 6 months--last year Leprechaun and I --after realizing we were both coming from dance communities and suffering from touch deprivation on the trail--decided we would try offering massages and hugs because hikers who are not paired up do get physically isolated--and that can lead to depression or feeling disconnected from everything around them.  This year, offering massages (and may I stress, therapeutic non-sexual massage, and YES it's quite easy to make one's intent clear even when doing something that physical)--I got a wonderful response from hikers that if felt great to be touched in a non-threatening/non-sexual way after months of hiking by themselves.  In response, I showed them all stretches they could do with each other at shelters (stretching each others legs and arms) that would help them relax and at the same time give them contact with each other that was clear and non-threatening.  I really think that if someone gets enough good physical contact, then there's less neediness and there's less need to imbue everything with sexual innuendo.  Often when people  think theyare looking for sex, they're really just looking for contact.  Though the area can be grey, it doesn't have to be.  I gave many hugs and massages last year--none were ever misinterpreted as sexual comeons.  

A final comment for everyone out on the trails this year: MOVE YOUR LEGS AND ARMS IN ALL DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS.  I did some range of motion exercises with hikers on my table--most of them had been walking in a straight line for so long that they'd forgotten their bodies could also move from side to side, diagonally.  One guy said "I forgot my legs could feel this way" when I just played with leg movement with him for a few moments, swinging his leg back and forth instead of up and down.  

Every once in a while, shake your legs out, swivel your hips, swing your arms in circles with your pack off--you may save some of your joints that way and it's sure fun (try dancing from side to side on the trail--just pretend you're avoiding rattlers).

I'd love to hike and do stretching exercises with hikers at shelters on my next trek!  Is anyone doing that on the trail these days?

well, this looong post is over!  I passed my 80 question nervous system exam today and I suppose this is my respite before studying for the major shiatsu exam on thursday--back to the books!

have a beautiful hike out there everyone,

EJ



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