[at-l] Wanchor Report/Corollary (long)

[Bluetrail@aol.com (Bluetrail@aol.com)]

I guess this message is a corollary to the current discussion on sexual harassment.  Prompted by a couple of off-list e-mail exchanges, I've been thinking about a topic hikers and hometeams might want to address before the big hike:  fidelity.  

This Hometeam has a dramatic imagination and past  experience (before Jon) leads me to concern about faithfulness.  Jon used to scoff at this idea by saying, "It'll never happen. They're not interested in me."  That statement wasn't what I wanted to hear; it seemed to imply that it was lack of opportunity that would keep him faithful.  I personally believe that eventually everyone gets a chance--some get more chances than others, but everyone has a chance sooner or later.  After all, if I think he's interesting, why wouldn't someone else?  

I can't help but think that the long separation, the sense of isolation from the real world, the idea that for some the hike is a life-changing or at least life-expanding event, can make a hiker more vulnerable/open to a dalliance (or more) than they might be at home.  And then there is the question of "Just how strong is the relationship before the hike?"

One long-distance hiker put it this way:  
"Often a person decides to hike because their life is not satisfying in one way or another.  It may be work or marriage or just that they aren't happy with themselves…. A long hike is stressful on a good marriage.  On a bad one, it will often precipitate a break that was inevitable in any case, but that gets pushed ahead of schedule because the time apart clarifies some of the issues and lets both of them learn that, yes, they can survive alone."

On the hometeam side, resentment, loneliness, dependency issues, stresses, insecurity, a growing sense of independence, unaccustomed freedom--a whole host of positives and negatives can make the separation a minefield too.  Romance (and some of her lesser cousins--Lust, Infatuation, Drunken Opportunity, etc.)  DOES happen on the trial and at home.  It's just as important for the hiker to be open about what he/she expects at home as it is for the hometeam to be forthright about expectations of the hiker.  Hiker and hometeam romances aren't exclusive to single people either.

I can't tell anyone what the script for this discussion ought to be.  (Orange Bug, feel free to speak up here.)   I just wanted to warn you that if you think it might concern you, you better bring it up before the hike begins.  You need to be clear about what your expectations, intentions, and maybe even consequences are.

Jon still doesn't really get what this whole discussion. 

Mad because I have to ask as I'm driving him to the bus station for his midnight bus to Georgia, "I need to hear it."

With an exhalation Jon recites, "I love you.  I don't want anyone else but you.  I'll wait for you."

I didn't feel a whole lot better.  Later, for some odd reason, one post card which repeats a joke we share did make me feel better, "I'm only interested in a crazy coo-coo brain."

Joan