[at-l] Sometimes life suxs...soft campfire stuff..

[kahley7@ptd.net (kahley7)]

A little ole fat woman reads of fears and decides to once again dump
he own and slip into the woods alone, on a trail where she is 99% sure
she will not see another person and 99% sure she will not be looked 
for until Thurday and three.  She ambles and rambles and slides
on her butt when need be.  She climbs and cruises.  She does .......OK
considering she hasn't even hiked 30 miles in the last 30 days.

She achieves that pureness of moment.and serenity.  She comes outta the woods
feeling serene.......feeling 20..well..maybe 35.  

Within minutes, she discovers she has made a mistake.  Not really a mistake,
but the most recent manifestation of a chronic failure.   Ffffttttt.....there goes serenity.
(Is FFffttt the accepted way to spell the noise they use in cartoons when something vanishes?)

But she still feels strong and didn't carry fear with her. 

Ten hours later, she steps of the curb in front of the grocery store, her ankle turns
and she does a knee/face hand plant on the hard hard parking lot.  I've fallen 
and I can't get up.....

Ffffftttttt....35......45.

She gains her feet only to see other old women hurry to her aid. Their eyes filled 
with the fear that more age brings ......fear of broken knees and hips. 


FfffTTTttttttt.....55.....
I hobble to the car.......Ffffttt .....65

So here I am with ice on my left foot and my right knee wishing I had more ice
to go in a glass of gin and I'm feeling 75.  Then it hits me....just about three years
ago.....and I think it was right before TDz cause I remember considering going to
TDz in my wheelchair.....I stepped off, the ankle turned, the foot broke...Jone's
Fracture.....wheelchair...cast....crutches.....maggots.....the whole thing that
set me to being afraid that the same thing could happen again while I was hiking
and the fear started to accumulate in my pack......

sometimes life suxs

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