[at-l] Trail newbie (long)

[spiriteagle99@hotmail.com (Jim and/or Ginny Owen)]

Hi - This is a bit disjointed, as I have too much to say, and it's too late 
for me to be really coherent.  I may ramble a bit.  After all, I'm a Ginny 
nut, right guys?

I thruhiked the AT alone in 1988 and 92 (well I started alone on that one, 
even if I didn't finish alone, but then, on the AT, you're rarely alone for 
long) - then went on to hike the CDT and PCT with my husband.  On each hike, 
I wondered whether I/we would be able to do what we hoped. There is always 
the question of whether you are strong enough (mentally, emotionally and 
physically) or lucky enough to finish.  On my first hike I didn't really 
KNOW that I would finish until I crossed the Kennebec, half-way through 
Maine. On my second hike I knew I could do it, the question became whether I 
really wanted to enough to put up with the difficulties. On the CDT, the 
challenge was so much greater, that despite having hiked so many miles (over 
9000 at that point,) there was still a question of whether we could handle 
the physical and emotional challenges. (We aren't getting any younger.)  The 
PCT was easier, but again, the question arose: given all the physical 
problems we were having and the attitude problems we were having with the 
trail, will we finish?  In each case, we really really wanted to finish, and 
so we did.

I don't know what fears you have. We each have our own set.

Those fears you have that are based on your abilities and willpower are 
real, a lot of people do go home, but you are the one who determines whether 
they are enough to stop you.  (I have a phobia of falling - it affects me 
whenever I cross narrow or steep places where falling is a possibility. In 
other words, often.  But I can't let it stop me from doing what I really 
want to do.) If you don't let them stop you, you may discover other 
strengths you didn't know you had. I know that when I realized that I could 
finish the AT after all on that first long hike, I felt like I had found my 
wings,.

As to those fears that are based on "things that go bump in the night" - 
those are less likely to be real.  What I learned was that I was much safer 
alone in the woods than I am going to the grocery store in the middle of the 
afternoon, here in the city.  Bad things can happen, but most of the time 
they don't, especially if you exhibit some common sense (i.e. bring a tent!) 
And I met a lot of really good people on the trail - a lot more than I ever 
knew existed before I went hiking.  There are good people everywhere, but 
there is something about the long trails . . .

Before we did the CDT I made a list of what I hoped and what I feared about 
thruhiking the trail, based on everything I had read or heard about it. What 
I found was that some of what I feared was real (getting lost, dealing with 
rough terrain, extreme weather, injury, being cold, wet, hungry, tired, 
thirsty, afraid, etc.) but what I found was that I could handle whatever 
came. It wasn't always easy, but it was doable. And what was also true were 
the hopes I had - living in the natural world, surrounded by incredible 
beauty, seeing wildlife, facing and meeting real challenges, experiencing 
real freedom, serenity, etc.  I found the list, which I'll attach at the end 
of this, if anyone is interested.

I invite others to try it, write down what your expectations are - both good 
ones and bad ones. It can be a lot of fun to look back later and laugh at 
the silly fears and shrug at the sane ones and smile at the hopes we held 
and see where reality lies.

Enjoy - thruhiking is an experience like no other, and one I highly 
recommend to anyone who really has the "fire in the belly".  It isn't easy, 
but it can be very worthwhile.  Not fun, but happiness.

Ginny

********
FEARS AND EXPECTATIONS

What do you expect out of your thruhike?  What do you fear?  No matter how 
much research you do ahead of time, reality is always different from
expectations.  For fun - consider what your expectations are for the trail. 
Best hopes - worst fears.  These were some of mine:

Growth - learning - serenity
Ability to go back to being happy with myself - with Life.  Lose some of
the cynicism.
Growing closer to Jim - fear of getting too close too.  Will I bore him?
Irritate him?  It's a lot of togetherness.
Total immersion in nature - time to sit on a mountain peak and stare across 
the ridges, across the plains, time to watch the sky, the clouds, the stars. 
  Happiness.
Fear that the push for miles will not allow enough play time.
New experiences with animals - grizzlies, elk, moose, etc. That always
gives me joy.
Moments of joy - moments of peace.
Closeness to God - time to pray.
I don't really expect much in the way of contact with people.  Possible
conflict with locals - some trail magic maybe, mostly indifference I think.
The lack of other hikers will be different.  Good in many ways, but there 
won't be the kind of comradery we knew on the AT.
Fear of not being physically and emotionally strong enough.  Can I do long 
miles, day after day, without breaking down?  What if it gets to be sheer 
drudgery?
Fear that Jim is not strong enough.  Will one of us get injured?  What if
we get sick? If one is injured, what then? Separation?  Could we?  Would we? 
  Could I watch him go with out me?  Could I hike alone without him?  Could 
I abandon the hike after waiting so long?
Hope of getting strong again - getting my body back.  Dancing across the
rocks.  (Also crawling across the talus fields.)
I know we'll get tired of our food - and at the same time, we'll always be 
hungry.
Weather - I hate cold and wet, but we're likely to run into a lot of that.
We'll learn to read maps better, read the land, learn to flow with the land.
Hopefully we'll get back our ability to know what matters, and what really 
isn't important.
Flexibility - most important gift of the trail.
Self reliance - we can do it.
Growth as outdoors people and as individuals.  Going to graduate school.
Life reduced to the basics - this moment, this day, this mountain.  One
minute at a time.
Fear - getting caught in a thunderstorm, a blizzard, with a grizzly or a
mountain lion.
After trail fears - where will we go?  How will we live?  Can we go back to 
"normal" life?
What we have been told about the CDT: Expect to get lost, a lot.  Expect
bad weather, year around.  You need to be flexible.  It is hard.  You won't 
see anyone out there.  Those who have hiked it don't seem to have the same 
kind of love for the trail that AT hikers have - except Jim Wolf.  Is that 
just because it is so hard?  The trail is a trial.

I romanticize thruhiking, the mountains, etc. It is one aspect of life, it 
isn't life itself.  Or is it?

I want to be able to say, "I walked here all the way from Canada." Even
more, I want to go back to our friends and say, "We did it."

We could lose our lives over this.  Is it worth it?  It is only six months.  
But what a six months.


_________________________________________________________________
Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com