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[at-l] Fw: Secrets of Old Age



This does not apply to me but thought some of you might enjoy. I get furious
when I am referred to as a senior . That is an insult to my psyche. So I am
not considering any of you a senior either. Today AARP considers anyone over
50
one so guess I will have to drop my membership.  -- this was written by an
80 year old friend of my parents!

 Coosa


Secrets of old age:
 1)  In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
 2)  It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
 3)  Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
 4)  No one expects you to run into a burning building.
 5)  People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
 6)  People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
 7)  There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
 8)  Things you buy now won't wear out.
 9)  You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
10) You can eat dinner at 4:00
11) You can live without sex but not without glasses.
12) You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watchTV.
13) You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
14) You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
15) You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
16) You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
17) You got cable for the weather channel.
18) You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
19) You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
20) You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the
room.
21) You send money to PBS.
22) You sing along with the elevator music.
23) You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
24) Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
25) Your back goes out more than you do.
26) Your ears are hairier than your head.
27) Your eyes won't get much worse.
28) Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
29)  Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
30) Your secrets are safe with your friends, they can't remember them
either.
31) Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

Hope some of you enjoyed this and others now know what you have waiting for
you down the road.

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