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[at-l] Wingfoot Names First Avery Monitors
- Subject: [at-l] Wingfoot Names First Avery Monitors
- From: firstname.lastname@example.org
- Date: Thu, 09 Mar 2000 23:05:32 -0500
Hot Spring, NC
Dan "Wingfoot" Bruce d/b/a "The Appalachian Trail" announced today that
the 50 little parapackers had been overwelmingly selected to be the first
Avery Trail Monitors.
Joined at the noontime press conference was an ever stalwart and churly
Milo Garcia together with the parapackers all dressed in their little
knicker outfits and beaming from ear to ear. Each parapacker was pushing a
mini-sized measuring wheel as they weaved back and forth and around
Wingfoot and Milo as the audience cheered. "I'm a Monitor-o-love!" shouted
Little Hector as he waved to the crowd.
"Ssssshhh! you funny little parapacker" said Milo as Wingfoot approached
the podium escorted by The Avery Guard (Copyright 2000, Dan W. Bruce) all
sporting their matching Bolle sunglasses.
"Greetings friends, fellow hikers, and uh...uh is that a AT-L'r...oh,
sorry...fellow hikers and frequent visitors of Trailplace.com, I welcome
you!" " I am also announcing that I will no longer be known as Wingfoot but
will now be simply known by the AT symbol !" And with that the hiker
formerly known as Wingfoot quickly left the podium followed closely by the
cloak wearing Avery Guard.
All the while the parapackers were oblivious to the announcement and kept
circling the stage pushing their measuring wheels, smiling and waving at
Milo Garcia again stepped forward and as the lights dimmed said, "Please
enjoy with me this multimedia presentaion." Well all the parapackers knew
what Milo's multimedia presentaions were and abruptly dropped their wheels
and sat down in the front row with their liitle heads tilted upwards.
Little Hector and Enzo scurried back to the filmstrip projector and 8 track
player and began the show.
After rushing through the 5 minute copyright segment, the narration began:
" Coming soon, 'The Trail-My Way or No Way starring Dan Wingfoot Bruce'
an IMAX spectacular. Cur-chunk goes the 8 track tape as it changes tracks
and little Enzo spins the filmstrip knob trying to keep up. "This is Myron
Avery and this is an Avery Monitor as the picture of Little Juan and his
wheel is superimposed on the classic pose of Myron Avery. "Note the
diminutive parapacker" adds the narrator. click, click turns the
filmstrip. "And here see how easily the parapackers can conceal themselves
behind trees and especially blue-blazed trees." The picture shows maybe
25-30 little parapackers sticking their heads out from behind trees ,
smiling and waving.
Suddenly the music on the 8 track player picks up as the Theme from Shaft
begins to fill the room. Enzo clicks the filmstrip knob faster and faster.
We see the hiker formerly known as Wingfoot jumping up from the big
trailplace sofa and running out the door. "Here we see the response team
in action as the Avery Monitors have spotted a registered trail user
avoiding Albert Mountain." adds the narrator.
Again the scene shows Wingfoot this time at the Springer Mountain
check-in center attaching the champion chip to a somewhat pudgy hikers
boot. "These chips will activate sensors at secret points along the
Appalachian Trail and be closely monitored by the staff at Avery Center."
The lights come back up and Milo returns to the podium as the
parapackers resume weaving and pushing their wheels throughout the crowd of
onlookers. "Thank you Little Juan, Little Enzo, Little Hector and the rest
of you Litle Parapackers!" boomed Milo as he lightt his big Cuban cigar.
"Are there any questions? Yes - the redheaded hiker over there."
"Is it true Mr. Garcia that you invented the McDonald's shake and that it
is actually your chilled fondue recipe?" "I have no comment escept to say
that shakes have many uses." replied a stunned Milo.
The Bamaman AT '81
The Ossipee Mountain News
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